


One Yesterday

by just_kimian01



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Drama, High School, High ☆ Speed!, Loss of Identity, Loss of Innocence, Loss of Trust, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Middle School, Romance, Slice of Life, Swim Club, Yaoi, Young Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-17
Updated: 2014-11-09
Packaged: 2018-02-21 11:50:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 40,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2467289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/just_kimian01/pseuds/just_kimian01
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haru hadn't thought about it. It had all been a spur of the moment. But nevertheless, he had done it after all. He had taken the first step to breaking taboo. He had kissed his closest friend, Rin, and was expecting him to hate him forever. To his surprise, the crimson-eyed boy did something completely unexpected...he wanted to keep kissing him.<br/>--------------<br/>Haruka Nanase, a third year trying to finish the remainder of his middle school life, has done something regrettable. He kissed another boy. More specifically, his good friend Rin. He hadn't planned it at all, but with the deed done, he has no choice but to accept the events and emotions that would follow. Sharing a secretly physical relationship with Rin, how will he cope with breaking all sorts of taboos? Can he come to love someone that transformed for the worst before he realizes it? More importantly, how does Rin truly feel about him? Is this love or simply lust?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. About Me, About You, About Romance

**Chapter 1: About Me, About You, About Romance**

"Do you know the real story behind the little mermaid?" A small group of female students were conversing and one of them brought up the sudden question. A silent young man walked straight behind them. His dark sweaty bangs stuck on his forehead and his blue eyes gazed bored into the distance, watching closely the heat evaporating in the distance. It created a watery mirage. Haruka Nanase was the boy walking, listening to the girls' conversation even if he hadn't meant to. He would have gone around them, but too many people were crowded around them. It would be harder to fight against the current. So he remained where he was, enduring the slow pace and the sweltering heat of the climaxing summer. He listened the girls' chat.

"Is it that the prince marries some other girl and the little mermaid evaporates as she jumps into the sea?" One of the girls suggested.

The main talker shook her head. "Nope," she said, "not that. Everybody knows that already! It's something much darker!" Haru had also thought that she might have been referring to that. _Guess I was wrong_ , he thought.

After some more weak attempts, another girl was getting impatient. "Spill it! I want to know!" She demanded curiously.

The main talker said mischievously, "The secret is that the writer of the story had actually written this as a dedication to someone."

"Who? A long lost lover?" The previous girl asked.

"Yes, except that this lover..." The main talker paused, "...was actually a man."

"Ehh?!" The girls squealed in shock.

Haru did not flinch but he wasn't quite expecting that either.

"No way! How dark!" The same girl from before squealed.

The main talker continued, "It's true! Apparently this man he was in love with was marrying a girl and didn't even return his feelings for him because he thought it was disgusting. So the author wrote the little mermaid as a way of expressing how he felt about him."The girls were awed. Haru simply wanted to get away.

One of them said, "So that's why the little mermaid evaporated! She felt she couldn't live with the thought of him being with someone else. How sad!"

Haru said nothing and only listened. But then, a familiar figure joined the conversation. He noticed him because he knew him too well. He also had been in his mind a lot nowadays. Haru felt a droplet of sweat run down his brow.

"What's so good about that? The little mermaid could've made something out of herself instead of evaporating," Rin Matsuoka was the one talking. "For all it's worth, she could've linked the human world with the mermaid world, maybe even start a dating business, making mermaid and human couples' wishes come true as a love guru! Like a dating site but for the 1800's!" Haru couldn't help but be slightly amused.

The girls laughed at him. "Oh Rin, only you can come up with such ideas!" One of the girls remarked chuckling. They continued to laugh.

"Tsk, laugh all you want, but the only tragedy here is her wasted potential!" Rin said confidently, not minding their attitude toward his idea.

It was very typical of Rin, Haru noticed. The way he spoke and carried himself always seemed to bring out the best in others. His confidence and his assertiveness emanated like a strong perfume, people just couldn't help but smell it as soon as they whiffed it. He was that kind of boy. He was the definition of "fresh". Haru was too busy contemplating the crimson-haired boy and was taken aback when Rin looked back and saw him.

"Oi, Haru!" He said loudly even though he was right there. The girls looked back and were confused for a minute. They clearly had not realized he had been there the whole time. They started to whisper among themselves.

Unfazed, Haru said, "Rin."

The girls had walked away at this point. But at least they had cleared the path, and now Haru could quicken his pace. He walked next to Rin and when he least expected it, the other boy brusquely patted his back. He then put his arm around his neck playfully, locking it on his arm. This always annoyed Haru, but he didn't push him away. "Hey Haru, you know what's today right?" Rin queried with a wide grin that no human being could possibly find unpleasant.

Haru looked at him and indifferently said, "beats me."

Rin laughed as if expecting that answer, "That's so like you, Nanase." He let go of him and skipped ahead of him energetically. He said, "Hurry up! we're doing a r-e-l-a-y for practice. Does that ring a bell yet?"

Haru rolled his eyes, and said defiantly, "Not in particular," and kept walking ahead, a playful smile hidden underneath the collar of his jacket.

"Eh? You're kidding right?" Rin exclaimed loudly, clearly not noticing.

Both headed for the lockers rooms to get ready for swimming practice.

* * *

 

 

Inside the lockers, Rin and Haru were greeted by an excited blond boy renown for his awfully effeminate body. He was already waving from the other side of the room. Next to him was a slightly taller boy, whose skin was tanner than the smaller boy's. His green eyes were dreamy to the extent that most girls simply could not look straight into their honest hues. Typically of him, he greeted Haru and Rin with a kind smile.

Nagisa Hazuki and Makoto Tachibana.

The two boys, like the rest of the team, were already clad in their swimming trunks and stretching their muscles. They looked ready for practice.

In contrast,Rin and Haru were not even out of their jackets. "Yo, Makoto! Nagisa!" Rin greeted loudly, disregarding the loudness of his voice.

"Haru-chan! Rin-chan!" Nagisa greeted back enthusiastically, "Are you ready for the relay?"

Rin grinned, setting his bag on one of the benches. "Pft, what kind of a question is that?" He replied cockily, "Are YOU prepared in the least?"

Nagisa smiled. "Of course! I haven't been doing extra practice for nothing, you know."

Rin held a thumbs up and replied, "That's the spirit!"

Makoto was stretching his arms, but simultaneously stated, "This time we might be able to swim together for the relay in the next meet. I can almost feel it!"Haru glanced at his childhood friend's hopeful face.

"Damn right we are!" Rin announced proudly, "We'll crush those punks and swim together in a real relay!" He slammed his fist on his flat palm, suggesting his determination.

"Those 'punks' are part of the team, you know," Haru said as-a-matter-of-factly, noticing the intense gazes piercing Rins back.

Rin turned around and coolly explained the situation, leaving the three for a minute. "Hey now, y'all know I'm just kidding around," Rin coaxed the other boys playfully, "We're all pals, right?"

After Rin had left, Makoto laughed and Nagisa pointed out, "Rin-chan sure is popular."

Nodding in agreement, Makoto added, "I know, I heard he had a huge dispute with members of the football team and even got into a fist fight with the captain. Now they're practically best friends!"

"No way!" Nagisa stated impressed, "It really can't be helped, Rin-chan has such a likable personality."

"I wonder if it's just a rumor though," Makoto wondered, stroking his chin curiously.

"No," Haru replied quietly, "I was there, I helped him during the fight." It was true. That might have been how he ended up meeting him in the first place.

"Ehh?!" Nagisa and Makoto exclaimed loudly.

"No way! When did this happen?" Makoto asked, clearly shocked. Haru wondered if he was shocked that the rumor was true or about discovering that Haru had gotten in a fight before. Haru thought hard about it.

"Somewhere around our first year. He practically dragged me into it."

Makoto pondered for a minute before responding, "Ah, so that's why you were absent for a few days, so you weren't sick!"

"That's so cool Haru-chan!" Nagisa complimented with a charming smile, "You must be friends with the members of the football team, huh?"

"Not really."

Rin suddenly came back, now laughing his head off. He then said, "I'm back! Were you guys talking about me?" He grinned and locked his arms around nagisa and Haru's neck. "Oi!" Haru cried annoyed while nagisa grinned happily.

Makoto laughed, "Come on, it's time!"

* * *

 

"Good work everyone!" The coach yelled in praise after he blew his whistle and all the boys had gathered around the corner of the pool. "I will inform all of you of the results tomorrow. The four with the fastest times will be chosen to swim the relay. See you all tomorrow!" The boys huddled to chant a unique cheer before they dispersed in different directions. "Nanase! Matsuoka!" Coach called out, "It's your turn for clean up duty. Don't miss any pieces of equipment and close the door completely." He soon left after that.

"Ugh, do we have to?" Rin said mostly to himself, he sounded painfully bored.

Haru was already starting the job. Before they left, Rin asked Makoto and Nagisa, "Yo, Makoto, Nagisa! Since we're in the same relay, why not help out your team in need? Haru said he really needs help."

"Don't stamp me with your laziness!" Haru protested.

Makoto and Nagisa laughed. Makoto replied, "I'm sorry. but I have to pick up my little brother and sister."

Nagisa stated, "I have a compromise with my parents. Oh no! I'm already late!" He half-ran, half-slipped out of there, Makoto following his lead. "Hey! Don't run Nagisa-chan!" He cried after the smaller boy. Rin and haru were left completely alone.

"Tsk," Rin retorted mockingly, "Way to let me down 'team'."

Soon after, Rin and Haru began their after-practice duties. They quietly picked up the boogie boards and the pull buoys which lay scattered around the perimeter of the pool. It was strangely quieter than usual. Usually, Rin would be saying something even if Haru wasn't listening in particular. In the midst of his duty, Haru suddenly turned to watch Rin. The board still on hand, he couldn't help but contemplatet he the seriousness in Rin's face as he finally focused on his task. There was an undeniable difference that Haru couldn't help but admire from afar. His normally intense eyes seemed somewhat cooled off, almost pensive. Haru didn't think much of it since their duties were so menial and objective. He couldn't see Rin--or anyone for that matter--getting excited for clean up duties. Still, Haru found himself appreciating this face of his. His focused eyes, his lips which were set on a fine line rather than his usual curved smile. Suddenly, Haru began to notice more.

His posture. It was so relaxed. It was missing that usual energy as if in complete peace. It was already their last year in middle school and Haru noticed the way Rin's body had begun to develop firmer muscles. Once again, Haru couldn't help but admire it.   _Admire?_  He thought as if snapping back from some other dimension,   _that's weird...._  

"Hey, Haru! Hurry up! I wanna go home!" Haru heard Rin shout at him from the other side. He looked down and he still had some boards in his arms. He lightly shook his head and set off to finish what he started. As quickly as they finished, Haru was ready to leave. But he waited, knowing what would come next. "Yo, Haru," Rin said with a grin, "how about a race before we go?" The pensive aura Haru had felt earlier was gone.

"Didn't you say you wanted to go home?" Haru asked to contradict him.

Rin wasn't fazed. He stated whimsically, "I changed my mind. I wanna race!" _So fickle_ , Haru thought. He looked at him and coldly said, "You always want to race but we both know who's going to win."

Rin only liked his attitude. "Hey now, don't get so cocky," he retorted, "That's my job. So, you down or not?" 

This time Rin looked at him more seriously and was already standing by the edge of the pool. Haru sighed and readied himself as well. Without a referee to give the signal, Rin announced, "And...go!" The two boys jumped off the ledge and dove inside the depths of the water.

* * *

 

"Tsk! No fair!" Rin cried in annoyance, "My timing was off!"

Haru dried off his hair and body. He didn't like to brag, but this time, he said, "I told you so."

"Rematch!" Rin said angrily, "I want a rematch! Right now! Wait, let's do best two out of three."

"No way," Haru responded, "I'm already dry. And it's already established who won. Just give it up."

But Rin wouldn't have it. Neither would leave this pool until Rin had let out all his frustrations. After hearing Rin complain for a couple of minutes, both Haru and the other boy sat down on the benches near the edge of the pool, both facing each other. They had a chat which mostly consisted of Rin talking. They should've gone home at this point, but for some reason, Haru didn't feel like going home. Talking to Rin might have been impossible sometimes, but there were times they had pleasant conversations. And Haru appreciated listening to Rin talk. He had much to say. It just worked out that way.

Rin talked about his usual topics. Topics Haru practically knew by heart at this point in their friendship. He discussed his love for sports, specifically swimming and football. To Harus surprise, Rin had a huge interest in academics as well, which was odd to him because he seemed so fresh. He had a hard time seeing Rin sitting down and studying without getting fidgety. But then he remembered that intensely focused gaze he and seen earlier. Perhaps there was more to Rin than he had thought. Rin normally concluded by talking about his dreams and talks about the future. But today, something was off.

After talking about sports and academics and a couple of people, Rin said, "You know Yoshioka? He just got a new girlfriend. That guy changes girlfriends like girls change clothes, I swear."

Haru was not particularly interested and was surprised to see that he was.

"I heard they even go inside the chemistry room and...make out!" At that Haru reflexively looked up and observed him. He wasn't sure what it was, but he paid close attention to him and his body movements.

Rin leaned back on the bench and said somewhat dreamily, "It must be nice…"

"What?" Haru asked curiously.

"Kissing," Rin said with a grin, emphasizing the word, "Don't you think?"

Haru felt his heart race and blood rushed to his cheeks. "I guess so," he said, trying to avoid his gaze.

"Oh?" Rin seemed suspicious and began to tease him, not getting up from his current position. "Ah, don't tell me," he said mischievously, a smirk plastered on his face, "You have a girlfriend don't you?! You've been hiding her all this time, huh?"

Haru didn't even turn. There it was again. That painful beating in his chest. This truly felt strange. Rin, persisting on the subject, continued to tease him, driving Haru to the brink of irritation. At some point, Haru scowled at him, fed up with his attitude.

"Will you stop it?!" He cried angrily. He must have been very angry because Rin had stopped teasing him. He simply looked at him with a confused gaze. Haru couldn't help but be fazed by his expression.  _Tsk, don't look at me like that!_   Haru thought guiltily. There. Something was there. A spontaneous instinct taking over him. But...was it truly spontaneous? He wondered.

Before he did something regrettable, Haru began to stand. But Rin was still watching him with a concerned face. The volcanic eyes seemed almost pleading him to tell him what was wrong. It was too much. Haru didn't understand. But unable to help himself, Haru leaned over the confused Rin and did something he had never thought he would ever do.

He had planted a kiss on Rin's lips.

It had been so brief. Almost a peck. But Haru could feel everything about Rin in that instant. Chlorine. His lips were dry from the chlorine. They had the salty taste of pool water. Beyond that, Haru could smell the chlorine on Rin's face and hair. Both of their eyes were open and Haru found himself staring into his garnet-like eyes which were clouded with confusion and bewilderment. Haru supposed he must have had the same expression. He had no idea what he was doing either.

Trying to hide his panic, Haru broke the kiss almost instantly. He scowled, feeling the most shame he had ever felt in his whole life. Rin had not even reacted, even though Haru had hoped he would yell at him, or punch him. Anything would do. But his confused gaze didn't let up. Haru decided to stand. Now all he wanted to do was run back home and maybe even run away from home as well. As long as he didn't have to face Rin. "Tsk, kissing...what's so nice about that?" Haru spat in quiet anger and quickly left the pool area, leaving behind a dumbfounded Rin.

He ran toward the locker room and quickly gathered his belongings. Rin did not show up once. Gratefully, Haru dashed out of the lockers room and the school altogether. Feeling the pressure tighten in his chest, a single question repeated itself more than any other in his muddled thoughts. What had he done?


	2. About Liking, About Disliking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haru has done something regrettable. He has kissed his friend Rin when the two were alone doing cleanup duties. Absolutely sure that Rin will hate him, Haru decides to accept what's coming and embrace the fact that he probably lost a friend. But will he be given a second chance to redeem himself? What if the boy he kissed did something completely unexpected?

**Chapter 2: About liking, about disliking**

Haru ran all the way home, gracelessly opening and shutting the entrance door. He had almost forgotten to take off his shoes and he literally spun around to properly take them off. He had hoped to be more quiet, but had completely failed.

"Haru?" His mother called out, "Is that you?" Haru didn't even want to face his mother right now. He casually walked by the kitchen and replied, "Yeah, I'm back." He started heading for his room, hoping his mother wouldn't ask anything else.

But she asked him, "How was school today?"

Haru hastily replied, "fine." He headed straight for his room and cringed in frustration when his mother persisted on delaying his one and only goal at the moment.

"Make sure to come and eat dinner, okay?" His mother said lovingly and he felt awfully guilty.

"Not hungry," he replied with the gentlest voice he could muster.

Not wanting to keep the "conversation" going, he locked himself in his room. He threw his school bag wherever it could land. He didn't even heed the crashing sound it made. Instead, he laid down in his bed and hugged his pillow, hoping to bury his embarrassment.  _What the heck was that?_  He thought and buried his face in his pillow.

He had kissed a boy. And not just any boy. He had kissed Rin. Rin. Not only had he forced a kiss from him. He had also liked kissing him. In fact, at this moment in time, he wanted to kiss him again. _Ridiculous_ , Haru thought, followed by a soft "tsk" of embarrassment. He turned over, not releasing his pillow at all. He clutched it tighter, even. Why was he thinking about _that_? He had just done the most embarrassing thing in his life and here he was clutching his pillow wanting more of _that_. "Fuckery," he whispered.  _This is all this is...Fuckery_ , he thought, not quite happy about swearing, even in his head.  _What's the matter with me?_ He wondered dismayed. But more importantly....

_How will I face him tomorrow?_

* * *

 

"Wow, Haru-chan, you seem more motivated than usual," Nagisa remarked, his mouth agape, standing next to an equally bewildered Makoto. Both of them were looking at Haru, who was already in his swimming trunks and ready to go.

It was such a rare sight.

Haru had come early to practice and was already in gear when Makoto and Nagisa showed up. They were shocked to see him there before them and also that Rin wasn't with him. Nevertheless, they didn't comment on it.

It had been his attempt to avoid seeing Rin. Except when he had entered the locker room, Rin had showed up even sooner than he had. Oh joy. But even so, Haru was out of it, glancing from time to time at Rin, who was quite busy talking with the other team members. He was acting perfectly normal. He had the usual joking face and was laughing his head off at his own jokes. Making others laugh with him was his specialty. Haru wondered if he ought to do the same as well. He figured he should.

"Haru?" Makoto asked concerned, looking in the direction of the distracted Haru, "are you okay?"

Haru snapped out of it and refocused. "I'm fine, let's go," he said a little too bitterly although he hadn't meant to. He knew Makoto wasn't at fault for his own distresses, and yet he couldn't help but feel frustrated about his lack of control. Still, he walked ahead of Nagisa and Makoto, passing by Rin who did not bat an eye at him and simply continued to laugh. The notion made Haru feel hurt. Did Rin...hate him? He wouldn't be surprised if he did. He had earned that with what he did yesterday. But for some reason, Haru felt his chest tighten and his heart beat faster. That strange sensation he felt yesterday came back and his mind summoned a vivid image of what he had done yesterday. Yesterday.

Yesterday.  _Yesterday. Yesterday!_

More than the vivid images, he clearly recalled the sensation of kissing Rin. Rin's dry, salty lips.  _Stop it!_  He thought bitterly,  _stop thinking about that!_

He practically dashed out of the locker room.

After warm up, everyone gathered around coach Sasabe, who announced guiltily, "As you all can see, it seems that I forgot to bring my roster today, so the decisions about the events and relays won't be announced until tomorrow."

The boys groaned annoyed. Coach Sasabe stated assertively, "Quit your yappin' and go do some laps! Two hundred freestyle and...go!"

The aura filled with disappointment, everyone started doing their practice. Likewise, Haru dove into the water and began to lose himself in the it, hoping that he would somehow forget everything and fuse with it. Of course, such was only wishful thinking.

One. Two. Three. Breathe. One. Two. Three. Breathe.

He could have done more strokes on each arm, but today he felt like sticking to the basics. He felt less exhausted that way. However, when he had finally immersed himself in swimming, all it took was one breath of air to destroy that comfort zone.

One. Two. Three. Breathe. One. Two. Three-

Haru's eyes widened in shock and he saw the the boy swimming in the next lane mirrored him, having the same expression. Rin. Rin was looking at him with eyes just as wide as his. In that moment their eyes had met, Haru's memory summoned the happenings of yesterday. But it didn't take more than a few seconds until the boys dug their hand inside the water and continued their strokes, cutting the connection. But in that tiny fraction of a second they saw each other, Haru's dismay had returned.

* * *

 

After that, it was cleanup duty. Haru had been dreading this moment. The team members and coach sasabe had all disappeared. Even Makoto and Nagisa were gone, much to his dismay. They could've helped ease the tension. But his fate had decided otherwise. Feeling intensely awkward, Haru said nothing and commenced his cleanup duties, hoping to get them out of the way as soon as possible. Luckily for him, his face didn't betray his emotions.

But time passed slowly. There was so much clutter around the pool. Haru thought that fate must be trying really hard to feed his misery. The growing distance between them made his heart ache dully. Ugh. This was unbearable. Why had he done  _that_  yesterday?

But in the midst of his inner turmoil, Rin finally spoke up, "Haru."

Haru felt the blood rush to his cheeks and disregarded Rin, unsure how to respond. But Rin wouldn't have it, so he called out again with more persistence, "Hey, Haru. " And this time, Haru looked at him. He barely managed to maintain his cool, but still said nothing. He simply looked at him, giving him his full attention.

"About...yesterday, " Rin dove right into the subject, albeit that he scratched the back of his head, Haru realized he must've been nervous. But the red-headed boy continued, "I...don't really know what that was yesterday, but it's better if we...forget about it." He paused momentarily. "I...nevermind, let's just pretend it never happened."

Hearing those words made Haru's tense body relax. Rin didn't hate him. He didn't hate him at all. He could feel his breathing become regular and less tense. His turmoiled brain seemed to have let go of all the horrible scenarios he had played in his head over and over. All in all, his distress was relieved, even if only momentarily. He was so happy that he was getting a second chance. In fact he was a little too happy. Suspiciously happy. He wasn't sure how to interpret his confused feelings. But his clouded mind and his relieved heart seemed to be in accordance that day. They both seemed to tell him, "fuck it...you're off the hook! Rin doesn't hate you!"

When he finally assorted his feelings, Haru told Rin in his usual coolness, "Yeah, it's better if we don't talk about it."

That said, Rin grinned widely and Haru's heart skipped a beat. Even though yesterday he had appreciated his serious face, today he adored that stupid grin of his. Everything was back to normal. And yet something felt slightly off. Would that odd sensation Haru felt in his lips and body disappear after this? He figured it probably would, but that made Haru feel a pang of...disappointment. _Why_? He wondered in panic. So much for the brain and the heart being in accordance today. For the umpteenth time, he recalled kissing Rin the day before. He had to stop himself from literally shaking his head, lest he wanted to appear crazy in front of Rin.

"To make up for it though," Rin remarked mischievously, "you are racing me today. No exceptions." Haru agreed, trying to shake off his wild thoughts and both held their ritualistic race.

* * *

 

He watched them leave side by side, the boy with bright-red hair talking loudly as usual and making outrageous movements with his body. Rin was energetic as usual. On the other hand, the leaner, dark-haired Haru walked beside him, idly listening. They seemed to be getting along now. The young boy with green-hued eyes watched them leave.

 _As I suspected_ , Makoto thought to himself, s _omething really was wrong between them? But they must have made up now...._

Makoto had returned to the lockers and had changed as fast as he could. He had had the intention of returning to the pool to help out Rin and Haru. But coach Sasabe requested his help on organizing some papers he had dropped from his desk. The coach's clumsiness couldn't get any worse than that. Still, Makoto gladly picked up the papers. Once he was done, he fetched his things--the locker room already empty--and dashed outside the building, hoping he would still be able to catch Haru and Rin. But when he had gotten there....

At this point, Rin and Haru had practically disappeared from view. But Makoto was too puzzled to move. He figured he ought to feel happy for them since they were no longer fighting. But something was amiss.

 _What was that all about?_  Makoto asked himself,  _I knew something was off, but I don't get it. What was so bad that they can't talk about it?_

' _...about yesterday...,'_  Rin had said.  _Did something happen yesterday?_  Makoto wondered.

 _'...let's just pretend it never happened.'_  What could have possibly happened that they had to pretend that it hadn't happened to begin with? Makoto found himself feeling more confused the more he thought about it. He massaged his forehead muscles, which were knit in a confused frown. This was too confusing. There weren't enough clues from the conversation for him to figure out what had happened. He had no choice but to ask them directly or let it go. But asking them directly would have been too strange. He would be admitting that he had stuck around and had eavesdropped. But he hadn't meant to! And still, no matter how much he argued with himself, he had eavesdropped. Trying to gather his jumbled thoughts, he shook his head and picked up his belongings.

 _What's going on around here?_  It was the last thing he thought before leaving the area for good.

* * *

 

A couple of days later...

* * *

 

Something was awfully wrong. That was Haru's first instinct as he placed the pull buoys inside the cart. Today was the last day for cleanup duties. And yet... He watched Rin lazily pick up the rest of the equipment. The keyword was the word 'lazily'. It was the last word Haru had ever expected to associate Rin with. It didn't suit him at all. Neither the description nor the way he was acting now. Haru was absolutely sure that his behavior had nothing to do with  _that_  which he had done a couple of days ago.

To his luck, they had not mentioned any of it. Makoto and Nagisa didn't know. That was a good thing, Haru felt. Slowly, the memory of  _that_  which had happened a couple of days ago was fading from Haru's mind, and as for the impact...he had mixed feelings about it. It had gradually lessened for sure. But Haru didn't know if he really wanted to forget that sensation. He stopped himself before delving into his dark side and kept watching Rin. He was nearly done, but his pace was still sluggish. It seemed so unnatural. Haru wondered what was wrong with him. Nevertheless, he didn't bring it up.

When they had finished, Haru waited, expecting Rin to ask him for a race. Expecting a little bit of normalcy as he couldn't stand this abnormal atmosphere.

But instead, he got something more surprising. Rin looked up at him with a neutral expression and he said, "Let's go home." His expression wasn't like the one Haru admired though. This expression seemed somewhat dull, almost dead-looking. That might have been an overstatement, but the fact that something was amiss remained.

"Yeah," Haru agreed, not even suggesting the idea of having a race. Clearly, Rin was not up for it and he doubted that he could get him pumped up enough to do it. The only person who could make Rin energetic was Rin himself. That was that.

They walked in silence. Neither said a single word. Haru didn't particularly mind, but at the same time, it bothered him that Rin was acting so unresponsive. It wasn't like him at all. They passed by one of the bus stations and still neither said anything. At some point, Haru turned to look at him. The same neutral face was there. Rin wasn't even looking at him or sensing him stare at him. He was completely out of it. In the midst of his preoccupations, Haru found himself staring more deeply at Rin's face. He seemed different. A little older. His hair was getting longer. His ablaze eyes seemed cooler as well. But his lips were still the same. Same curve. Same shape. Same... _Stop it!_  Haru thought bitterly, turning his face, snapping himself back to reality when panic hit him. He had just summoned that memory. That sensation that had teased him before and had disappeared suddenly came back to him. Not only that, it was stronger than before.

 _Stop it! Right now!_  Haru thought panicked. He didn't want to remember anymore! He wanted the feeling to go away. So why did it keep pestering him so persistently?! Was there some sort of trigger to turn it off again? Or forever?! Haru knew there was no such thing. Now this wild emotion of his was clouding his sense of logic. Great.

"Haru," Rin suddenly said. The statement had been so abrupt that Haru almost jumped.

They stood in front of the road where they usually parted. Haru noticed Rin bite his bottom lip before he said, "I'll walk you home."

Haru was flabbergasted. He hadn't expected that at all. Yet he wasn't against it either. So it had been decided that Rin would walk Haru home. Haru found this slightly uncomfortable, but he bore with it. However, now he had even more reason to suspect that something was not right at all.

By the time they had reached Haru's house, the light outside was practically gone. Haru thought it might be too dangerous for Rin to go back home alone.

They stood outside the door of his house. "You should call your parents," Haru suggested, "it's too dark for you to walk alone."

"Tsk, what do you take me for, Nanase?" Rin retorted with a smirk on his face. Haru felt slightly relieved that Rin was back to his old self, even if momentarily.

But he wouldn't take that for an answer either. Turning to open the door, Haru told him, "Come on, I'll lend you my phone."

But then.

"No!" Haru felt Rin pull him by the arm, away from the unopened door. Next thing he knew, his blue eyes flashed widely and he discovered for the first time in a couple of days what true paradise felt like.

Rin had planted a kiss on his lips, his eyes closing the moment their lips touched.

There was no tongue or movement involved, but their lips were firmly planted. Rin clutched his arm tightly, as if Haru would run away as soon as he loosened his grip. But Haru was too shocked to close his eyes, or even to back away.

What was going on? What was happening right now? Why was Rin kissing him? Why wasn't he resisting? Had his mom seen? Why couldn't he breathe properly? Or move in general? What time is it?!

All these questions clouded his mind until it went completely blank.

And then, something else began to take over. His cheeks flushed, he knew. And what followed after was a pure sense of bliss. It was that strange sensation. It had returned! But it didn't seem so threatening anymore. In fact, it even felt  _right_. It felt so right that Haru wouldn't have minded feeling this sensation for the rest of his life, standing there in his front porch. Feeling all this  _rightness_ , Haru slowly began to sink in his strange yet undeniable happiness. But that bliss died soon. Too soon.

Rin stopped kissing him. It had been almost instantly. Haru looked at him in disbelief, his eyes widened in delight and his eyes sparkled in the darkening atmosphere. Rin stepped back as if he had murdered someone. He covered his mouth and his eyes widened in pure shock. He looked at the ground ashamed and frowned embarrassed. He said hurriedly, "I know what I said but...I couldn't stop thinking about it. I..." He stopped. It was as if he was trying to justify his actions but had no good justification, even though Haru had not accused him of anything.

"R-rin..." Before Haru could talk, Rin turned around and began to walk away in a hurried pace.

"Oi, Rin!" Haru called out to him, but Rin didn't stop. In fact, he even began to run. Haru wanted to run after him, but his mother called out to him from inside the house, "Haru? Is that you? Come inside! It's getting dark." Haru did as told, looking back to see if Rin had miraculously changed his mind and returned. But of course, he didn't.

* * *

 

There were only a few weeks of practice until the season was over. And soon the end of the first semester of their last year as well. Makoto was thinking about this when he heard a burst of laughter echo on the other side of the locker room, interrupting his train of thought. It was Rin. He was talking to his other friends.

In that instant, Makoto subtly turned his head and looked at Haru. Once again, he caught him staring in Rin's direction just as he had every time laughter would emanate from that corner. He had done this on multiple occasions. But there was something about him that bothered Makoto. His expression. It looked subtly in pain, if only ever so slightly. He had to look closely, but it was there. Suddenly the fight that had occurred about two weeks ago flashed in his mind. He had completely dropped it from his memory, but it was resurfacing again. _Did those two have another fight?_ He wondered, looking at the anxious Haru who had once again looked back in Rin's direction.

He wanted to say something, but he knew that Haru wouldn't talk. It was in his nature.

"Haru!" Makoto said abruptly and a little too loudly. It was enough for the dark-haired boy to snap out of it and give him his full attention. Even Nagisa had turned to look at him.

"What is it?" Haru asked, seeming like himself for only a moment.

Makoto was not sure how to continue. He suddenly grabbed Nagisa's arm and pulled him closer to him. "Oi! Mako-chan!" Nagisa exclaimed more surprised than angry.

"Erm, you see," Makoto continued weakly, "Nagisa-chan and I are going to go on ahead. We've decided to train even harder so we can swim in the last relay together. I hope you don't mind."

"Eh? I said no such..." Nagisa began to object.

Makoto tightened his grip on his arm and continue to smile. Simultaneously, he gave the small-framed boy a look of urgency. Nagisa quickly caught on. "Oh YEAH! That! Now I remember! How could I forget something like that? How dumb of me!" Now both stared Haru with a forced smile.

Haru stared at them quizzically, but was too preoccupied that he didn't bother to decipher their strange behavior. "I don't mind," he said.

"Ok, see you in a bit!" Nagisa said.

Makoto dragged him outside and both went somewhere no one could see them. "Mako-chan, you brute! That really hurt you know! I seriously thought you were going to snap my arm, you King Kong!" Nagisa pouted.

 _King Kong?_  Makoto thought amused. "Sorry about that," he apologized earnestly but quickly returned to the main topic. Makoto decided to tell him what he was thinking. "Don't you think those two have been acting strange?" He asked the blond boy.

"Huh? What do you mean?" Nagisa asked quizzically.

"I don't know what's going on, but," Makoto said thoughtfully, "a couple of days ago, I saw them acting just like today. Rin would go off with his friends and Haru would act so unresponsive. Then they suddenly started talking again. But now they're doing the same thing."

Nagisa thought about it and said, "hm...you're right, Mako-chan. I've noticed that Haru-chan hasn't been acting like himself. Every time Rin-chan is around, he always has a slightly sad look on his face. It's hard to see it at a glance but if you look closely, it's there."

That's exactly what Makoto had noticed. Makoto added, "About two weeks ago, I stuck around to walk home with them, but they didn't seem to know I was there. I didn't hear the whole conversation, but I heard them talking about forgetting...something. I don't know what though."

Both thought hard about it and sigh frustrated. "What the heck is going on around here?" Makoto thought aloud.

Nagisa seemed to be deep in thought. Almost too focused, as if he knew something but didn't want to say anything. "We should ask them!" Nagisa finally suggested. Not what Makoto had expected after seeing such a pensive expression.

"We could try, but maybe when things have calmed down a bit. I don't think Haru will talk anytime soon."

Both saw Haru coming in the direction of their "hiding" spot. Not shockingly, Rin wasn't there, and the coach blew his whistle, signaling everyone to hustle.

Dropping the conversation for good, Makoto headed first toward the sound of the whistle. But Nagisa stood in place and watched Haru and Rin. Rin was some ways ahead of him, still surrounded by friends. Haru was on his own, looking mostly at his feet and kicking a pebble or any object that got in his way. Nagisa watched as Rin looked slightly behind him, and Haru saw him but quickly turned his head away. Nagisa wondered,  _maybe...I'm not wrong after all._

* * *

 

Haru was still changing when Makoto approached him. He looked like he was ready to leave when he suddenly asked Haru, "Um...Haru. Can I ask you something?"

Haru looked up. "Sure, What is it?" He said nonchalantly.

"Well, um," Makoto was nervous, "you seem kind of...off lately. Is there something bothering you?"

Haru had to stop himself from reacting. Even if it was a small one. He didn't know what to say. How was he supposed to tell his friend that he had kissed another boy...twice? And that he might be feeling something weird for him? He felt that Makoto would understand him, but what if he didn't? He was unsure of his own feelings about the situation. He had to resolve that before telling anyone else, at least that was how he felt.

He gathered his courage and told Makoto, "I'm fine. You don't have to worry."

Makoto looked like he wanted to say something but he suddenly got a call. It was probably from his mom. After he hung up, Makot told him, "it was mom. Anyway, I wanted to say that if you say so, then I'll believe you. But Nagisa-chan and I are very worried about you. If something's bothering you, you should tell us."

At that, Haru's confused feelings lifted a little and he genuinely said, "I will."

After Makoto left the locker room, Haru grabbed his bag and started to head out himself. But, to his surprise, he saw Rin in the hallway, coming out of the restroom. He hadn't left yet?

Rin looked at him with shaky eyes. "Ha...ru..." he pronounced his name slowly, "can we talk?"

Haru's heart skipped a beat. He nodded. He had been quick about it too. It almost felt natural, like a reflex.

Before he could contemplate his thoughts further, Haru was once again paralyzed in shock as Rin pushed him back inside the lockers. He was confused. What was he doing?! Rin closed the door behind them and checked if they were alone, looking all over the locker room to find any other human being inside. When he found no one else, Rin grabbed his shoulders once more and hastily kissed Haru.

This was too much shock for Haru in one day. Or one year for that matter.  _What is going on?_  He thought.

Despite his confusion, he found himself responding to the kiss faster than the day before, when he was completely frozen in place. Or even the first time! This time, he moved his mouth slightly more, feeling a little more of Rins fleshy mouth. As he had thought, the sweet sensation of his lips on his was enough to drive him to that state of pure bliss. Their lips just touching and moving, the sensation of the friction between them drove him to the drink of ecstasy. Once again, the sensation felt completely harmless and even perfect. He didn't know what to think anymore.

While there was still no tongue, a bit of saliva moistened their lips. Rin lifted his arms and wrapped them around Haru's neck as if protecting him inside his embrace. He pecked him on the lips various times. Haru found himself lightly sticking his lips out, pecking them with Rin's. Clearly, he didn't want Rin to stop kissing him.  _What...is going on...here?_  Haru thought, feeling breathless even in his mind. But the thought that they were still in school suddenly crossed his mind.

"Ri...n...mn..." He was interrupted when Rin planted another deep kiss on his mouth.

Haru didn't know what to do. He had to stop them, but with his body reacting so intensely, he clung tightly to the dark fabric of Rin's jacket draping over his back. This had the opposite effect. He felt his strong shoulder blades underneath it. This was more than he could bear. He had to stop this. As if reading his mind, Rin stopped kissing him.

A moment of silence followed. The two boys stared at each other, both lightly panting for their breaths. Their faces were focused on each other, and their gazes intense for something more. Breaking that connection, however, Rin grabbed Haru by the shoulders and desperately bowed his head as if to hide his embarrassment.

He cried, "It's okay if we don't forget!"

He sounded genuinely desperate. And Haru was genuinely confused for a second, but then he understood.

"We don't have to forget!" Rin repeated, raising his head this time, "More like...I don't want to forget. I can't stop thinking about it...about you."

He was almost not making sense. Haru didn't know what to say.

Rin had raised his head but he didn't look at him. He relaxes his grip on his shoulders. "Tsk, you probably think I'm gross, huh? But I really can't stop thinking about it. It's been hard on me...holding back...around you...." He shot conscious glances at Haru and simultaneously returned his gaze toward the ground. Haru was still dumbfounded, but Rin had lost his calm at that point.

The silence would only have driven him to think the worst. "Say something! " Rin demanded, tears forming around his eyes, and shook Haru's shoulders. Haru didn't know how to say what he wanted to say. But he knew for a fact that that Rin must have been feeling ashamed and embarrassed.

Instead, he gripped the back of his jacket, feeling the shoulder blades underneath and hugged him back. Finally, he found his voice, "I also...haven't forgotten either. Nor do I want to. If that makes you gross then I'm probably even more gross." Rin was shaking underneath his embrace. He had finally hugged him back, and all Haru could feel were his tensed muscles relax.


	3. Chlorine Kissed Summer Skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haruka Nanase kissed a boy during cleanup duty. And not just any boy. He kissed Rin Matsuoka. Unsure why he did something like that, the two boys naturally distance themselves for some time. When Rin finally gathers the courage to speak to him again, he asks him to forget about the incident between the, which Haru gladly agrees to. However, despite what they had accorded to, Rin sought Haru to kiss him...twice. 
> 
> Now that their feelings for each other are somewhat mutual, how will this strange relationship begin to work out for them?

**Chapter 3: Chlorine kissed Summer skin**

The first thing Haru felt the next morning when he woke up was a sweet feeling of lightness. He raised his body into a sitting position, his sheet sliding softly off his shoulders, a strange fuzzy sensation trickling on his skin. It almost felt like a caress. Not only that. He could also feel the warmth coming from the sun rays that seeped through the gaps between the blinds of his window. Oh, how warm. Haru felt like floating. He hadn't felt so light in the last couple of days and now that he did, he felt at peace.

On previous mornings, he had woken up feeling like lead. His mind always clouded by stress, unpleasant dreams and the possibility that Rin hated him. But now he knew that he didn't. In fact, now he knew that both had felt the same emotions. Fear. Confusion. Anticipation. Bliss. Somehow knowing that another person shared the same feelings put him at ease. Two was better than one.

In his blissful state, Haru had almost forgotten what he did yesterday.

Why did he feel so light? How had he gotten home? Or when had he ended up in his comfy bed? But as soon as he rubbed his eyes and his mind focused, he remembered everything.

They had remained inside the locker room for a long time. Haru could remember it clearly now. Rin had kissed him for the second time. Third if he counted the one Haru gave him, but that was hardly relevant. He had hugged him tightly, desperately clinging onto his body. In the midst of their embrace, Haru leaned against the locker behind him and slowly slid down, both collapsing toward the ground. Haru felt it. The cold, metallic object brushing his back through his jacket. And then there was the contrast of it. In his arms was the crimson-haired boy, hugging him and producing such a gentle warmth that Haru would have slept if the nagging coldness on his back had not been there, keeping him awake. It was quiet. Neither moved at all other than their breathing chests and neither spoke a word. They simply embraced each other. Their warmth fusing with one another.

Their arms were locked around the other's body. Haru's embrace was looser, however. His arms hung around his shoulders, holding him gently but closer to him. Haru wasn't sure what to do. He didn't know how to approach the situation. So he felt that a soft grip might be better than a harder one. But it seemed that Rin had a different approach. Rin clung onto his torso the way a child would hold his mother, his grip tight around him. His head rested on his shoulder. Haru could feel his breathing on his skin. He accidentally whiffed his hair and skin. They smelled like chlorine. His hands clutched the fabric of Haru's jacket, as if this were the only thing that was real. Seeing Rin's troubled face and the aura around him, Haru could almost sense his emotions in that instant. Fear. Confusion. Anticipation. Haru was feeling the same way.

But the way Rin held onto him was, strangely enough, comforting to Haru. Now he realized that he had not been the only one feeling lost. For days he had thought everything was over. His friendship with Rin. His sanity. He had slept for days thinking that when he would wake up and go to school, Rin would have undoubtedly said that he hated him. Or that he would accuse him of being a homo. Even thinking about it then brought up questions that Haru didn't know the answer to. Why had he been so bothered by the distinct possibility that Rin would hate him? Was his friendship with him so strong that he could not possibly bear to see him depart? Or perhaps maybe he was gay?

No, that couldn't be right.

Sure, Haru was not particularly interested in dating girls, but he thought even less about dating guys. So, what they were doing then...was that considered "dating"? Once again, he didn't think so. It had to be more complex than that. Besides, two guys...no matter how natural this  _thing_  with Rin felt, the prospect of two guys dating seemed kind of...foreign to Haru. Could this truly be considered  _normal_? He doubted it. Just thinking about the matter made his head ache. He glanced at Rin, who still lay calmly in his arms.

The truth was Rin was probably just as scared and confused as he was. Perhaps even more so, feeling the way his slender fingers gripped the fabric of his jacket, pouring all his energy in that embrace alone. Haru wanted to ask what he had been doing all this time. He wondered to what extent he had felt like him. Did he wake up every morning feeling afraid to face him at school? Had he contemplated ending their friendship because of the awkward atmosphere between them? Did he, too, began to doubt himself as a man and wondered if he might be gay? Did he also feel...that strange sensation that seemed like bliss and fuzziness combined? Just like Haru?

There was so much he wanted to ask and yet Haru did not know what to say. Or more like he didn't know how to say it. He figured that perhaps Rin didn't either, seeing that he was unnaturally quiet. He must have also been thinking. Or perhaps he wasn't thinking at all, he was just feeling. Haru didn't know. So he gathered his courage and opened his mouth to say something, but Rin had beaten him to it.

"Haru," he said seriously, not moving from his place of comfort, "...What do we do now?"

Haru was taken aback by the question. He hadn't thought about that.

He had thought for a while that Rin hated him. Then he went on to think that they would never bring up about what happened. He had never expected Rin to change his mind so suddenly. With this sudden change of events, Haru didn't have any room left to think about the future. Even more than that, was there even a future to begin with? Was he supposed to consider some sort of future between them? He didn't know. His mind was too clouded to even begin to consider that.

He hesitated, his lower lip quivering. But then, he answered, "Let's go home." Despite saying this, he unconsciously began to grip Rin's jacket tighter.

Haru heard Rin chuckle. It was a low chuckle, a new kind of sound Haru had never heard him make before. The sound was so unique that Haru felt a strange fluttering in his stomach. "Yeah," Rin finally said, unclenching his grip on Haru's jacket, he raised his body from his place of comfort and looked at Haru in the eyes. On his face was a genuinely calm smile. "You're right."

And so they had walked home, leaving behind the remnants of the strange affection they had shared inside the locker room. Haru was surprised when he saw the dimming sunset light outside. He thought they had been locked in there for hours and hours. The truth was that a mere half-hour had probably passed. Maybe more, maybe less. Regardless, the moment they had shared in the locker room had felt...timeless. Almost eternal. It wasn't until they had made it outside that time seemed to start moving again. How peculiar.

Both walked in silence. They didn't talk. They didn't hold hands. They didn't look at each other. It was almost as if it had finally dawned on them what they had done. Reality had quickly taken over their clouded senses and Haru felt a tinge of guilt. He had kissed this boy three times already. He never tried to resist when Rin had kissed him...twice on his own accord. He hadn't wanted to resist from the beginning, did he? He had thought about kissing him for so many days and nights and now that they had, they embraced in a manner that was not considered normal. They didn't hug the way typical friends would. It had been a suggestive hug. One filled with seeping emotion and absent of guilt. The guilt of being in the arms of a guy. But now that that moment was over, Haru felt that guilt surfacing. He glanced at Rin who was staring at the ground, looking somewhat perplexed. He figured Rin must've been having similar thoughts, but he didn't begin to press on the issue.

When they had reached the point in which they parted, Haru turned to leave. "I'll see you tomorrow," he announced, trying to sound casual. But Rin tugged at his hand and Haru looked at his face. He looked almost pained.

"I...I don't want to forget," he said the same line from before, "but at the same time, I don't think anyone should know." He seemed to be trying his hardest to say it. As if he didn't want Haru to feel hurt.

But Haru agreed.

It was too strange. No matter how blissful he felt being beside the red-haired boy, he felt a small pressure in his chest. The tinge of guilt and fear over what other people would think about this  _weirdness_ between them.

"Yeah," Haru replied.

But saying that crude and vague "yeah" made him feel a sense of longing. It was a strong sensation that filtered through his heart and stomach. His hand loosely hanging while being grasped by Rin's firm hand, Haru slowly wrapped his fingers around Rin's. He wanted reassurance. He wanted to make sure that this was real. That he was real. Soon both were holding their hands very tightly. Haru felt every bone, every joint, every inch of flesh and the temperature of Rin's hand. It felt delightful. Neither exchanged words. They simply stared at their intertwined hands and then at each other. Haru saw Rin's flushed cheeks and stared intently into his eyes. Feeling a little overwhelmed, Rin turned his face, unsure how else to react. But even if his face was turned, he still glanced back at Haru from the corner of his eyes. Now it was too much for Haru. He turned his face away as well and reflexively released his grip. Rin hastily untangled his fingers as well. Both were feeling embarrassed.

"S-see you tomorrow," Rin said before turning and walking away for good. Haru did not even have the chance to respond. The warmth was soon replaced by the coolness of the evening.

 _See you_ , Haru had thought before departing himself….

He found himself hugging his pillow when he finished his recollection and looked at the clock to distract himself. He was running late. "Haru!" His mother called from downstairs, "Makoto-kun is here to pick you up! Hurry up!"

And so Haru braced himself for what would come today, feeling a strange fluttering in the pit of his stomach. Nevertheless, he felt...excited.

* * *

Haru rolled his eyes annoyed when he heard another burst of laughter in the classroom for the umpteenth time. He has never thought lunchtime could be so noisy. "It's Rin," Makoto remarked, stating Haru's thoughts exactly.

It was Rin laughing again at his own jokes, inevitably pulling in those around him. Even though his ludicrous jokes were terribly executed, his fresh laughter never failed to make those around him laugh. Girls. Boys. Teachers. It was the first time Haru had truly realized that Rin was more popular than he had thought. He knew he was likable but he never realized the extent of his popularity.

He wasn't sure how to feel about that. He began to think for a moment that yesterday's happenings had been only a dream or a mere illusion. But soon he realized he wasn't crazy. Because rin saw him and immediately his eyes lit up. "Oi! Haru! Makoto!" Rin greeted with a grin on his face, leaving his group to greet them.

He didn't bring it up, but Haru had not seen Rin at all until now. They had different Homerooms, so that was one major obstacle. But they did not see each other that morning or throughout the day. Not in the hallways. Nor the library. Or even the bathroom! It was disappointing. Haru wished that for once, the tactics used in American films would happen at this moment in time. Haru had seen in romantic comedies how the girl would be looking for the guy and miraculously, against all odds, he would show up like an act of magic. Why couldn't that happen in real life?

Now he felt immensely irritated with himself. Romantic American films? Really? Now his thoughts had taken him beyond all sense of lunacy! Had he seriously been wondering why he couldn't see Rin _sooner_?  _Seriously_? Why was he acting so impatient all of a sudden? Since when did he start acting this way? Ugh.

The excitement he had felt this morning gradually wore out throughout the day. It was soon replaced with neutrality and Haru kept going about his day. That is, until lunch time came and Rin had decided it was okay to show up in his homeroom (without even a warning!). Even better than that—with all the sarcasm intended—he was making people laugh over and over. Ugh. Haru rolled his eyes whenever a burst of laughter would spread across the room to reach his ears.

Now, Rin was here, calling him and Makoto out, walking toward the corner of the room near the window, where Haru and Makoto had lunch at. As he called his name, Haru realized it had been subtle, but Rin had clearly emphasized his name. Maybe it was just wishful thinking. Haru didn't know at this point. All he knew was that he was feeling irritable.

"Rin," Haru said blankly. He couldn't show too much eagerness, even though he didn't show much emotion to begin with. He was vaguely aware of a suspicious Makoto who was looking at him. He may have been at hiding his emotions, but Makoto could detect that light sparkle in Haru's eyes.

Rin sat next to him. "Hiya! Where's Nagisa?" He asked gleefully.

"Dunno," Haru replied.

"Nagisa-chan takes a while to get here; he always gets stuck between the mobs when he goes out to buy food."

"Dammit, I'll just tell you guys then!" Rin said cheerfully, "Guess who's doing the last relay of the season together?"

"Beats me."

"Who?" Makoto genuinely asked.

"Tsk! Dammit Haru!" Rin groaned, he headlock-ed Haru's head in his arm as he usually did, "Don't be such a wet blanket! You should be excited since WE'RE doing the relay!"

"Oi! Stop it!" Haru protested. But Rin wouldn't let up.

"No way, I'm so glad!" Makoto exclaimed with a smile. He watched them closely and was relieved to see they were doing fine. But he still had a nagging feeling that something else is going on behind the scenes and he had no idea what it was. Was it, perhaps, the way they moved? Ridiculous! Whatever the case, something about them seemed  _off_. He didn't know how to describe his restlessness. Thus, he decided to shake off his ludicrous thoughts.

"Mako-chan! Haru-chan! Rin-chan!" Nagisa cried from the other side of the room, "Did you guys hear?! Coach Sasabe has put us together for the last relay!"

"Rin just told us about it," Makoto replied with a smile, "I'm so excited!"

"Yeah! I know..." As Nagisa continued to talk, Haru was not aware that Rin had loosened his grip on him.

He barely felt his arm drifting lazily around his shoulders. Only did he become aware when he felt his slender fingers brush playfully against the nape of his neck. The sensation sent chills down his spine, like electricity. He jumped slightly in his place and glared at Rin who had slipped his hand inside the pocket of his jacket, hiding it mischievously. He flashed him a childish grin, clearly enjoying it. Haru scowled at him hoping his glare would be enough to send the message.

 _Idiot! Not here! What are you thinking_? Was what he would've said if no one else was around. But his scowl would do. To his disappointment, Rin only continued to flash his smirk at him. If Rin would have stated the meaning behind his smirk, he would've probably said something like,  _heh heh...caught you off guard, didn't I?_  He could've been completely off, but Haru knew Rin well enough to guess what he might be thinking. He was confident that was right on the mark. And that annoyed him.

Strangely enough, though, he felt small curve form around his lips. He was smiling, the truth was he found himself amused by it all. Or perhaps he, too, had been reeled in by Rin's charisma, just like everyone else. He wanted to chuckle, but refrained. When did he begin falling for his charismatic ways? Could this even be considered as "falling for someone"?

His thoughts were suddenly interrupted.

"Yo, Matsuoka," someone called Rin. It was a boy clad in a bomber jacket and baggy pants. It was the captain of the football team. Yoshioka Mamoru. A third year just like them.

Rin greeted him with a friendly smirk. "Yo, Yoshioka! 'Sup?"

Yoshioka disregarded the three boys and only looked at Rin. "Hang out with us soon, will ya? You have some damn fine skills! Ever consider joining the team?"

Rin chuckled, almost cockily. "Pfft, I can't be that good, but thanks for the sentiment. Though, I have to politely decline the offer, since I have other things to do anyway. You know things that are important, like studying for a math test or whatever. We can hang out some other day."

"Tsk, picky aren't ya? We don't usually invite people more than once. But I like you, so come hang out with us sometime soon," the captain smiled with a slightly bitter smile. Haru watched him intently.

He was acting quite persistently to Haru's liking. Actually, he didn't like him at all. Haru didn't know much about people, but rumors always made it to his ears whether he liked it or not. He heard numerous times that Yoshioka often treated those who weren't to his liking like trash. Somehow, he didn't need some sort of proof to see that it was true. Haru felt this strange aura of dominance around him. It wasn't simply confidence. It was like a suffocating feeling in which one felt trapped and powerless, while this guy seemed to possess all the power in the world. It was truly revolting. Haru did not usually think about people, but he sure didn't see them as being lower or higher than himself. The moment Haru saw this guy's face he knew he would never like him, or his friends who clung around him like a flock of sheep.

"Ha! So are we going to wear pink on Wednesdays?" Rin laughed and teased the other boy, "What are we girls? Don't be such a Regina George! I'll hang out tomorrow since apparently my presence makes the games better." He patted Yoshioka on the shoulder brusquely. Yoshioka 'tsked' at him and then glanced at Haru. "Nanase Haruka," he said in a low voice. Rin stopped grinning for a second.

Haru glowered at him, not returning his greet.

"You're quite the prodigy around here. The best swimmer in Iwatobi Middle." He narrowed his eyes. "Though I've heard you have a shitty personality."

At that, Rin frowned. Not just him; Makoto took a stand and Nagisa grimaced as well. "Oi! " Makoto said, clearly letting him know his boundaries. Haru wasn't fazed, he was more surprised by the fact that he knew his name. Or who he even was. Still, he wouldn't stand being picked on.

"I could say the same thing about you," Haru retorted. Not saying more or less. Hopefully he had gotten his point across.

"Tsk," Yoshioka said before he began walking away. "See ya around Rin."

"Later," Rin replied blankly, "Next time, though, don't fuck around with my friends."

Haru's eyes widened. He was...defending him. Technically. Yoshioka looked once then kept walking, leaving their sight for now.

"How unpleasant," Nagisa said looking relieved he had left.

"I know," Makoto said, "I wonder what his problem is."

"Who cares?" Rin said nonchalantly, "He's an idiot. He really wants me to jump in with his band of sheep. Not happening any time soon, that's for sure." Rin laughed, sure of himself. Haru felt relieved with those words. He didn't want to imagine a world where Rin acted all high and mighty like this guy.

The bell chimed, just another way to interrupt his train of thought. Had school always been this noisy?

* * *

During class, Haru was looking out the window, trying without much success to pay attention to the lesson. It definitely wasn't working. He found this class painfully boring. Perhaps the sky outside the window was distracting. No matter the cause, he was simply bored. He had no intention of listening after the hundredth attempt to engage in the lesson. He simply watched the sky. It was a cloudless day today so there wasn't much to look at. Every now and then a bird would pass by. How boring. Haru looked below. There were students in the PE classroom and just a ways away there was the pool area. Now he felt like swimming. It would've been a better use of his time than this class for sure.

As he was getting lost in his sweet thoughts of swimming and being one with the water, Haru suddenly flinched when he felt an unfamiliar object vibrate in the front pocket of his pants. That's right. He had a phone. Opening up the lid of the cell phone, he saw he had gotten a text message. It was from Rin.

' _Boys restroom. Second floor. Left side. Come ASAP!'_

What a terribly crude message. At least that was what Haru thought. But at least he went straight to the point. If anyone else read this message, they surely would have doubted that it was Rin. Still, Haru wanted to tease him a bit, albeit it was not his style.

' _Why would i wanna go to the girl's restroom?'_

He texted back, almost smiling. He got a reply back much quicker than he had expected.

' _Hurry up!'_

Haru wondered why he seemed so desperate. Had something happened? Not wanting to take chances, he raised his hand and asked the teacher for permission to use the restroom.

"Yes, go ahead." It had been granted. Haru tried not to bolt out of his seat.

He went up to the appointed area, unsure what to expect.  _Why did he pick the restroom if he's so panicked?_ Haru wondered as he opened the door. There stood Rin in the middle of the room, checking his messages with that familiar serious face Haru had seen some time ago. This face which he admired. Seeing him there, Rin shut the lid of his phone and grinned at Haru. Haru wasn't fazed initially. Clearly he wasn't worried about anything. So why had he called him out?

Haru opened his mouth to speak. "What is...?" But before he could finish, Rin approached him and caught hold of his arm lying limply by his side. Eyes widened, Haru nearly gasped when Rin pulled his body closer to his. He didn't have any room to think when Rin quickly closed the gap between their faces.

They kissed.

Teeth knocking against each other from the force. Lips brushing awkwardly with no sense of rhythm. The aftertaste of banana gum flavor and coconut flavored juice. Haru couldn't immerse himself properly in this kiss. It had been so sudden. Nevertheless, Rin didn't break the kiss, despite the awkwardness. Even worse than that was the reality that someone could walk in on them at any moment. Haru initially wanted to break the kiss (finding the awkwardness unbearable) and say something, but he couldn't. No matter the awkwardness between them, something remained unchanged. Kissing Rin somehow always felt  _right_. Here they both were, trying to find the right rhythm while keeping in the drool  _while_  trying to breathe. And yet that lingering sweetness he felt from kissing Rin was there. No matter how awkward, the truth was he wanted to keep kissing Rin.

Still, Haru knew he couldn't do this properly since he was too wary that someone could come in. When he found the right time and at the right gap, he broke the kiss and told Rin, his sentences huffed and crude, "Ri..n...not...here…."

It took Rin a moment to stop, but understanding, he pulled him inside the largest stall and locked themselves in. He tried to continue where they left off, but Haru stopped him, demanding an explanation with a scowl.

Rin pretended he mistook his signal. "Aw, come on, there's no one around," he stated instead. He tried to press his lips against his again, but Haru only kept scowling at him.

He finally admitted, "Ok, sorry I called you out like that. I...I wanted to see you."

This certainly surprised Haru. To set up something like this so that they could meet. Rin had probably left earlier than he had, and would probably have gotten in trouble if he stayed out too long. And all of this to see him. How strange. And yet, the fluttering he had felt throughout the day kicked in. Still, he was mildly puzzled about something.

Looking unfazed, Haru told him, "But you see me during lunch and practice, you know?"

"Tsk," Rin objected and grimaced, his cheeks flushed, "Idiot! Not like that! I just wanted to see YOU!" Haru was speechless. "Plus, I also bought new Aquaman comics...I was going to ask you if I could spend the night at your house tomorrow or some other day."

Haru felt the blood rush to his cheeks and he nodded.  _Yes_.

Rin's face lit up. "Really? Ha! I knew you weren't going to object to Aquaman!" Rin said playfully.

Seeing this side of him, Haru felt overwhelmed with happiness. Setting aside their awkward kiss momentarily, Haru tugged at his fingers. He wanted to feel them again. Just like yesterday. He gently wrapped his fingers around Rin's. Rin, taking the hint, held his hands, once again feeling a familiar sensation of joints interlocking with his. Finally, their hands were linked. Haru felt as if time had stopped in this stall, just like in the locker room. Whatever this strange thing between them was, it felt so damn  _good_. He could immerse himself in this forever if he could.

Noting his relaxed face, Rin wanted to kiss Haru so badly. Wanting to rush it, he heard Haru whisper, "Oi, not too forcefully."

He knew he was right.

Instead, he brushed his lips against his and gradually pressed his lips against his, hopefully creating a better rhythm between them. They moved their mouths more slowly. With more care. The restrained passion building up very slowly. Compared to the first couple of times, Haru could safely say that this was better. If this is what heaven was like then Haru wanted to immerse himself in it. He felt his knees growing weak. Feeling embarrassed, he held himself up. Not breaking the kiss, Rin raised their interlocked hands above Haru's head. Sensing Haru's embarrassment, he opened his eyes to briefly look at his face.

But he found himself looking at him longer than he had intended. His face was so flushed, it was too...cute. His eyebrows knitted in an embarrassed frown. He knew he wasn't angry at all. He was simply shying away. His half-open, half-closed eyes glinted in the most provocative way. Like water gleaming in the sunlight. His face seemed to shine in contrast to the dark bathroom stall. It was...breathtaking.

 _What is THIS?_ Rin thought. He wasn't sure of this thing that they were doing. But he did know that he wanted to see this face of his even more, but noting the time that had passed, he gradually pulled away from the kiss. He smiled internally when he felt Haru's lips stretch out toward his, as if gently pleading him not to stop. It was a sweet gesture. But his fingers felt loose and empty when he undid their intermingled hands.

Feeling hot and embarrassed, he told Haru, "...I'm going back to class now. I've been gone for a while. I'll see you after school." He grinned and left, not saying more or less.

Haru blushed, and thought,  _I wonder...if I looked strange._


	4. We're Going Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin and Haru have started an strangely physical relationship consisting of muddled emotions in which neither is completely sure what is going on. Despite the confusion, there is a strange "rightness" that exists between them as they grow closer and closer. But what will Haru do when their relationship breaks the taboos more and more? Where will they end up? Even more importantly, what will happen when Rin begins to develop a strange behavior that no one saw coming?

**Chapter 4: We're Going Down**

He returned to his classroom. Thankfully he did not stir any suspicion from the teacher, despite that his cheeks were slightly flushed. A couple of students turned their heads and looked at him as if they had discovered an alien. This look had always bothered Haru. It always happened whenever someone was late, getting up to go to the infirmary or coming from the toilet. Once they went through that door, people would undoubtedly turn their heads as if seeing a person for the first time. It never failed. Still, he simply ignored them, no one seemed to notice the persistent flush of his cheeks.

Thankfully, they couldn't hear his pounding heart in his chest, or the faint shortness of his breath as he was finally able to stabilize it. But the memory lingered.

Without any word from him, he took his seat next to Makoto, not looking at him or at anyone else. Not even the window. He simply stared at a blank point in his desk, the memory playing out over and over in his head like a movie. But more than that, the lingering sensation pestered him. It remained plastered on his fingers which had entangled his, on the tip of his nose that had collided with his, his lips which has been moistened by his. It was all  _his_. In the literal sense, their DNA was mixed together at this moment in time on their lips. However, that was nothing compared to the powerful aura that had emanated from Rin at that time. It was a unique aura. An aura that left him feeling weak in its purest form. An aura that made him feel a strange high, as if he were drifting in the blue sky.

That aura must have seeped through his pores because he was feeling strange.

For starters, that strange ecstasy clouded his mind. If he couldn't concentrate in class before, then he could concentrate even less now. His memory played and played the scene and transmitted all these emotions throughout his body. He felt flustered and fidgety. He couldn't stop moving! Much worse that was the tingling sensation he felt on every muscle. His arms, his fingers, his toes his legs...his crotch. He closed his legs tightly, the sensation most prominent in that area. Haru felt the embarrassment rise to his cheeks. He couldn't possibly get any redder if that was even possible for him.

 _No way_ , he thought bitterly,  _I'm acting like an innocent maiden._  Annoyed with himself, he closed his eyes and frowned almost forgetting he was still in class. But soon enough, he regained his composure, but the tingling sensation was  _far_ from being gone. He hoped no one would notice and decided to distract himself by looking outside the window for a change.

But his composure could not fool Makoto so easily. He ought to have known.

Makoto watched him from the corner of his eye. He seemed to be the only one to notice the strange flush in Haru's cheeks. Or the subtle fidgety behavior he was doing. And the fascinating spaced-out look he had on his face. It was quite something, Makoto felt. Why was he acting like this?

As Haru stared outside his window, Makoto whispered, "Haru, why is your face so red?"

Upon saying this, Haru nearly jumped on the spot. He had ceased all movement from his legs which had been shaking a lot more than he typically moved. It was a sight that Makoto was not used to seeing. In fact, he had never seen Haru jump like that. After all, he was not particularly energetic like Rin or Nagisa. Even in their elementary years, he had always been the kind of boy that remained still in his seat, whether he paid attention or not. He would never fidget or make unnecessary movements. This new behavior only fed more of Makoto's suspicions.

It took Haru a moment but finally ceasing all movement, he said coolly enough, "It's nothing. It just feels hot today."

Makoto had to agree. The weather nowadays was pretty hot. But was that really a reason to jump like that? He wondered, not understanding what in the world was going on.

* * *

A few days later…

* * *

"Oi, Haru!" Rin called out, "help me hook up the NES, we're playing Mario!"

Haru stare at him blankly. "We both know that you always lose in that game! You're just gonna complain about it later!"

"Tsk! Shut it, princess Toadstool!" Rin retorted, "I've changed! Plus, today feels like the day. Just watch! Lady luck is on my side tonight, I can feel it in my bones."

Haru was not impressed at all. He was merely impressed by the fact that his cheesy speech was more passionate than usual. In fact, it almost sounded as if he really could do it this time. He decided to give it a try. Not that he had a choice anyway.

Moments later, however.

"What the hell?!" Rin cried irately, "You're kidding me right? It was only the first level!" He almost threw the controller at the television.

If Haru had any doubts before, now he didn't. Rin truly sucked at playing the classic Mario. No matter what enticing speech he gave, the truth was he was not good at this. And to think that he had actually gotten better like he said. Not commenting on his awful loss, Haru picked up his controller. It was his turn.

Playing as Luigi, Haru did not blink as he gracefully guided the green character toward victory, avoiding and killing any enemies, finding the hidden mushrooms and gold star with expertise. He jumped over every abyss without falling. Finally, after reaching the top of the pyramid, he jumped at the precise moment, landing at the top of the flagpole and earning himself an extra life. He finally blinked when the character stepped inside the castle, followed by crudely animated fireworks.

Pleased with himself, he looked at Rin.

His soul had practically left him. It was a sad sight. But he couldn't blame him for feeling that way. There was just something about the classic Mario; it seemed to have favorites. there were people who could pass each level like it was a walk in the park. Then there were those who landed next to the goomba rather than on top of it. Like Rin.

"Screw this!" Rin retorted bitterly, "It's hot in here Haru! I'm turning on the fan."

Haru felt a small chuckle escaped his lips. He quickly covered his mouth. But Rin had not noticed. He looked at the time. It was almost 12 o'clock. Haru wasn't particularly sleepy, but he began to set up the futons. "Oi," he said, "I'm setting up the futons. "

Once they set up an extra futon for rin, both sat down and Rin read some comics while Haru drew. They were quiet for a while. And yet, Haru suddenly felt like talking.

"Hey, why did you suddenly wanted to hang out during a school night? " He asked.

Rin replied, "What? You don't want my company or something? That's strange since I heard that I'm pretty good company." He laughed at his own compliment, flipping the pages of the comic book.

"Tsk," Haru replied, annoyed that he wasn't taking him seriously.

Catching this, Rin put down the book. "Gou went on a sleepover with her friends," he said, "My folks haven't been getting along recently, so I just took the chance and asked for permission and they were cool with it." He flashed a grin at him.

So that's how it was. Haru didn't say anything afterward. He wasn't sure why he had asked to begin with. Quickening the speed of his drawing, he felt blood rush to his face. He didn't know if it was the heat of summer or just a natural tendency nowadays.

"Oi, Haru," Rin said suddenly, sitting cross-legged, "You're not...bothered that I'm here right? Since I just crashed at your place out of the blue…." He trailed off. It was very unlike him. He rarely left his thoughts hanging in the air like that. Haru wondered if he had come off as accusing.

"Not really," Haru replied, not picking up his pencil from the paper. "I don't mind it at all."

Not looking up from his drawing, Haru did not notice Rin watching him closely.

He did not see him notice every detail about him. From his slouching posture to his slender fingers holding the pencil. The way his fingers moved so firmly yet skillfully, like a dancer with her graceful and timed movements. The intense focus of his gaze. The sweat running down his temple (despite that the fan was on) and some more of it running down his neck and onto his prominent clavicle. The way his small Adam's apple would subtly stick out when he gulped his own saliva.

Without making much movement or noise, Rin crawled onto Haru's futon. Haru didn't seem shocked, but he stopped drawing for a second. "What?" He asked a little more brusquely than he had intended.

Haru looked at him firmly, his blue eyes flashing expectantly. But Rin seemed almost overpowered by his intensity. Building his courage, Rin tentatively grabbed his face and brought it closer to his. He was very hesitant, but Haru wasn't resisting his touch. He looked into his eyes. If anything, they were brighter than before. He truly had no intention of resisting, did he? That made him feel relieved.

His courage building up, he began to kiss Haru in the usual manner. Their lips lightly brushed and gradually pressed together, the friction increasing. But they didn't mind, this friction felt very good to them. Normally when they kissed, they usually simply pressed their lips together and moved them little by little, both too hesitant to do anything more than that. Sometimes, their lips would moisten with a little bit of drool or sweat from the heat of summer. It was such a sweet sensation. Haru never thought he could feel this  _good_  kissing another boy. Oftentimes he wondered how different it would be if he kissed a girl. But the truth was, nothing made him feel as ecstatic than kissing the boy in front of him. How strange. But something felt kiss felt a little more impatient than the other times he had kissed Rin.

And suddenly, the red-haired boy caught hold of his shirt and pulled him closer, their teeth knocking against each other. Haru's body tensed, unsure of what was going on. Nevertheless he held him with an iron grip. Normally, they gradually intensified their kisses. But today Rin didn't feel like it as he put more force into the kiss than he usually did.

"Mn..." Haru heard something like a small moan escape his from own lips. This was new. And it was embarrassing.

Moving his face to get a better angle, Rin tentatively stuck his tongue inside his mouth. But before he could feel the membrane of the other boy's tongue, Haru pulled away, completely taken aback by the behavior. He looked at him with a surprised expression.

"What the heck are you doing?!" Haru demanded, his eyebrows forming a combined expression of both embarrassment and anger.

He grinned at him. "That was a French kiss. I looked it up online! It seemed kind of fun."

"You idiot!" Haru cried out, "What the hell are you thinking?"

"Hey, cut me some slack! You're really slow, you know!" Rin replied indignantly.

"Tsk!" Haru was blushing so hard that his hand shook as he picked up his drawing pad and tried to continue where he left off. "You're weird," Haru said.

Rin simply laughed, "But it was fun wasn't it? Can't we keep doing it?"

Frankly, Haru didn't really want to. He felt uncomfortable, as if they were crossing a line they shouldn't cross. Before, it was alright because they were simply pressing their lips together. There wasn't much harm in that. But now they were gradually stepping into some uncharted territory that both knew existed but just didn't dare approach it. If Haru allowed him to continue, how far would their actions take them? Were they so deep in this  _thing_  already that they had no choice but to keep going? Maybe there simply was no going back anymore. As Haru knew, he was the one who had crossed that line and had brought Rin with him. He couldn't back out of this now.

Haru stopped drawing and his lips began to quiver. He dropped his sketch pad and his pencil as Rin leaned in toward his face and dove right onto the kiss, not bothering for a response. He knew he wanted to be kissed, no matter the method. That was undeniable at this point.

Haru allowed himself to continue to kiss him. Rin wasn't gripping his shirt this time, but his aura was overwhelming that it literally drove his body backward. When he felt the membrane of the other boy's tongue slowly creep into his own mouth, he tentatively let him in. He may have been hesitant, but nevertheless he let him in. And still he admitted that he was afraid. What were they doing? The kiss became slower because they had never done this before. But they felt the soft membrane of each other's tongues and gradually intensified the kiss. Some drool ran down the gaps of their mouths. However, they didn't stop. Rin wrapped his arms around Haru and Haru was trapped in his embrace. Feeling lightheaded, he lied down bringing Rin with him.

Despite the passionate make out session, Haru felt strange lying down like this with Rin on top. He did not dislike it but he felt embarrassed. A part of him did not want him to stop. They were still in middle school yet here they were doing crazy things, haru thought. He suddenly thought about sex-ed class where he'd been told countless times by his sensei to not have sex as it was dangerous.  _Why am I thinking about this?!_

"...r-rin...st...p..." Haru managed to gasp, "what are y...?"

But Rin kept blocking out his voice with his tongue. When the lack of breath became too much for both of them, Rin finally broke the kiss, a thread of saliva following until it broke.

"...hah...hah..." Haru gasped for breath. So was Rin. "What was that?" Haru asked indignantly but mostly embarrassed.

Still gasping for breath, Rin managed a smile. "I don't know, but that was AWESOME! Let's do it again!"

"No way!" Haru objected with the same look of embarrassment and anger, pushing him off and sitting up before he tried anything.

"Aww, come ON!"

"I said no! Idiot!" They argued for a while. Eventually, Haru had his way and both went to sleep as they had school tomorrow.

Sometime in the night Haru woke up, feeling very warm. A little too warm. He knew summer was pretty hot but he had never felt this hot. He decided to get up and turn on the fan even higher, but as he looked beside him, he understood why it was hot.

He noticed that Rin's arms were wrapped around him, his face rested on his shoulder. He was asleep. Half of Rin's body was sprawled over his futon, but the other half was resting on Haru's futon. He wondered if Rin slept like this all the time and looked at his face, and it was peaceful. It was very different from the face he was used to. Nonetheless, he liked this face a lot. Not wanting to disturb it, he decided to endure the extra warmth, not seeming bothersome now for some reason.

Before drifting back to sleep, a prominent scent got caught in Haru's nose. He took a whiff of Rin's hair.

 _It smells like chlorine_.

* * *

Some weeks later

* * *

Makoto sighed a little more deeply than usual and looked at the sky. It was clear and blue with no trace of clouds. He felt a faint chill on his bare arms and neck. He shuddered. Fall came here much faster than he had anticipated. The end of the year was coming much faster than he wanted it to. He sighed again. Why he was sighing like that, he wasn't sure himself. Normally if he ever sighed, it was either because he had forgotten something and was frustrated with himself, or Haru had woken up late. Haru. He felt a small pain build up in his chest. When was the last time they had walked together anywhere anymore?

As if he had a built in radar, Nagisa, who was eating some yakisoba bread, spoke up in concern, "What's wrong, Mako-chan? You look pensive today."

Makoto wasn't sure how to respond to that. Even he didn't know what was wrong with him. If he didn't know, how was he supposed to explain it to another person. "It's nothing in particular," he said instead.

Yet he felt one thought convulsing in his throat, as if he really wanted to say this particular thought but held himself back. It was almost painful trying to hold back that thought. Why was he holding back anyway? He wondered. Finally, he gave in to his impulses and stated with the most controlled voice he could muster, "Haru didn't walk with me to school again."

"I see," Nagisa said, and continued eating his bread, "That's awfully strange, you always walk together."

"I know. Maybe he's been busy nowadays."

"Haru-chan? Busy?" Nagisa asked bewildered. There was no sarcasm or any sign that he was trying to make fun of him. Yet the way he stated that made it seem as if the association between those two words were foreign at best. Impossible at worst.

But somehow Makoto could not disagree with him. Even when he put the words "Haru" and "busy" in the same sentence, it sounded a bit odd. Not that Haru was a lazy boy (as far as he knew), but he picturing him being engrossed in anything else other than swimming was a little difficult. He was not particularly into academics. He was a great artist, but wasn't serious about it. Just thinking about it made Makoto wonder.

 _What does Haru care about? If he doesn't really care much about anything, does that also include the people in his life? ….even me?_ He shook off the thought. How silly of him. That was ludicrous! They were friends! There's no way Haru wouldn't feel at least  _something_  for him….right? The doubts only kept building up. He changed the topic for the better.

Taking a bite of an egg omelet, he remarked, "You know, Nagisa-chan, I tried texting you the other day so we could hang out, but your phone was off. Was your service disconnected?"

At that, Nagisa stopped eating. In fact, he had ceased all movement for a brief moment. Then he replied, "Oh, I'm sorry! My phone ran out of battery and I forgot to charge it. It's an old model, so it tends to run out of juice fast." He laughed nervously.

Makoto watched him confused. Why was he so nervous? His phone had ran out of battery, so what was there to be nervous about?  _Nagisa-chan must be very dedicated to his friends if he feels that bad about missing my text..._ he thought.

Changing the topic again, he stated with a little melancholy, "You know, the semester is almost over. Next thing you know, Haru and I will be graduating next semester. What will you do, Nagisa-chan? Won't you be alone?"

Nagisa smiled. "Not at all," he said, "Sure, I won't see you guys in school, but we can work something out. That's my specialty at least!"

Makoto wasn't convinced.

Nagisa continued, "I might feel a little lonely, but I know that it won't last very long. I'll be looking forward to the day we will all reunite. Haru-chan, Mako-chan, Rin-chan. I'll be waiting to meet all of you in high school."

"So, you're planning to come to Iwatobi High school with us?" Makoto was happy.

Nagisa responds, "Yup! Wherever you guys are going, I'm going. Wait, now that I mention it, where's Haru-chan and Rin-Rin?"

Makoto looked around, but both were nowhere to be seen. How long did it take to buy food?

Nagisa wondered the same and commented, "Those two have been going missing a lot." Makoto agreed. Both ate in silence after that. He wasn't sure could interpret it this way, but...had Nagisa been suggesting something just now?

* * *

This was embarrassing. Haru could not relax in this atmosphere. They could be caught at any moment! And yet Rin didn't seem to be the least bit concerned about it. Even more embarrassing was this position.

Haru sat on a desk and leaned against the wall. He refused to straddle his legs around Rin's waist so he wouldn't feel like a girl. He had seen many girls in that position who kissed their boyfriends. Their legs were wrapped around their boyfriend's waist and their arms around their necks. Middle school girls were strange nowadays. High schoolers even more so. Despite his refusal to wrap his legs around him, he had no idea where to put his arms. They ended up around Rin's neck. Rin was standing, kissing him very passionately and digging his fingers around his hair, disheveling it. Still, Haru really liked the sensation of his slender fingers grabbing and tousling his hair. Perhaps he also didn't know where to put his hands and found the touch of his hair fascinating. At least that was what Haru thought.

Their lips moved so naturally that Haru wondered how they had been so bad in the beginning. He could still remember it. Their kisses had evolutioned from a firm pressing of the lips to teeth knocking against each other to pressing their mouths deeply together and feeling each other's tongue. Haru didn't quite feel proud of this behavior which confused him more and more, but if anything remained out of all that was the undeniable sensation of blissfulness. And the lingering sense of  _rightness_. Everything he did with Rin felt natural, including hiding in this empty classroom like a pair of criminals. No matter how much his logic told him that they could be caught at any moment, it wasn't strong enough to abolish that strong sensation of  _rightness_. That  _rightness._ It would be the death of him _._ And even then, it would still feel  _right_!

Haru was confused by all this, but that was the best way he could put it in his mind. Was this love or lust? Or both? He wasn't sure. The love his parents felt for each other couldn't possibly apply to their strange relationship, could it?

"Hn...ungh…." A sigh escaped from his lips. His thoughts became muddled as Rin kissed him powerfully. That permeating masculine aura overwhelming his senses.

Once in a while, Rin stuck his tongue inside his mouth. Haru let him in, not resisting in any manner. It had taken a lot of work, but now they were so good at it that they practically had no shame left. Haru still didn't quite understand the point of this, all he knew was that he really liked it, despite that he had been against it for a while. Maybe it was for the sake of feeling closer to each other. He didn't get it. But Rin had gradually burst his bubble and implemented this every time they kissed. And now he was used to it, even liked it. But they never did more than that. Even Rin was very hesitant about doing  _that_. Without saying anything to each other, they both knew that they were both afraid. It was a line neither dared cross despite all the other taboos they had broken already.

Bringing himself back to reality, Haru felt lightheaded. He couldn't breathe; he briefly lost his sense of balance even though he was sitting.  _Ugh! I can't be that weak!_  He argued bitterly in his mind.

"...R-Rin...can't...brea-mn!" His voice was a little high pitched. When he finally got the chance to say something, Rin always interrupted him. "Oi!" Haru said annoyed, Rin finally stopped but laughed. Both breathed heavily for a while.

"Okay, my bad," Rin said, not sounding sorry at all, "I forgot it was too much for you." He smirked at him teasingly.

Chest heaving and short of breath, Haru narrowed his eyes, knowing what he was trying to provoke him but didn't fall for it. He'd never succeeded in the past, and even now he still wouldn't succeed. Rin caught on quickly, but never stopped grinning. He finally removed his hands from his hair and sat next to him, chest heaving as well. Haru made room for him. They didn't speak for a while, until Rin chuckled a little.

"What?" Haru asked.

"I feel kind of bad now, we left Makoto and Nagisa by themselves."

Now that he thought about it, Haru realized that time had passed very quickly. Lunch was almost over. Yet mere moments ago, he had been in that world of timelessness. A tinge of guilt arose in him. He had completely forgotten about them too.

"Nanase," Rin suddenly said, sounding more serious than usual, "Have you thought about what high school you're going to?"

Haru didn't think about it and said, "Nagisa, Makoto and I are going to Iwatobi." Of course, Nagisa would take another year, but nothing would change that boy's mind once it was set.

Rin said nothing. His silence made Haru feel concerned. Why wasn't he saying anything? Did he plan on going anywhere else? Wasn't he also going there?  _Isn't he staying with me?_  At the last question, he mildly blushed.

"I'm going to a different school."

At that, Haru looked up. He felt his heart stop. Why?

"Where are you going?" Haru asked tentatively.

Rin said nonchalantly, "Dunno yet. I heard Seirin has a good swim team."

So he didn't even know. Somehow the notion made Haru feel hurt. Not only did he not know, he wasn't even contemplating on going with him to Iwatobi. He felt a small pang on his chest.

"It's up to you," Haru said keeping his cool, despite this hurt feeling.

"Yeah," Rin agreed with a grin. He subtly wrapped his hand around Haru's hand and the feel of his warm hand in the chilly classroom made his heart beat faster. He looked away, feeling something along the lines of being hurt but also blissful. It was almost criminal that Rin made him feel this way.

"Hey, Haru."

"What?" Haru asked, slightly out of it.

"Let's do something after this semester," Rin suggested, "We should hang out over break! We could invite Makoto and Nagisa or it could be just the two of us..." His thoughts suddenly trailed off, leaving them hanging. But Haru understood what he said.

"Okay," he said.

Rin looked at him surprised.

Instead of replying he allowed a small smile to form around his lips. The end really was near, huh? Soon break would start and after that his last semester of middle school. He would graduate with Rin and Makoto. The anxiousness made his chest hurt.

He wasn't sure how long the two of them were quiet. But Rin was first to break the silence.

"Haru, can we do it again?" Rin said with a chuckle, not specifying what he meant. But he leaned over Haru's face even though haru hadn't answered. He knew what he was talking about. Haru didn't need to respond. He turned his face and accepted his lips, closing his eyes, savoring the sweet kiss Rin gave him. His heart swelled with anticipation as tomorrow they would probably do the same.

* * *

A couple of days later...

* * *

 _Fuckery_ , Haru thought as he walked down the hallway.

He couldn't believe he was going to do this but there he was, suspiciously heading for Rin's homeroom. Rin hadn't come to hang out at his homeroom like he usually did. Although that in itself wasn't unusual and didn't mean anything, Haru felt somehow  _on edge_  and it bothered him. Every morning he came to school feeling anticipation and the butterflies in his stomach fluttered almost to the point it ached from the anticipation. He couldn't concentrate fully. He often found himself looking around for something whether he was with Makoto and Nagisa or simply by himself. Or more like he was looking for someone. Rin.

Because their homerooms were separate and they hardly ever saw each other in the morning, Haru bottled these emotions in until he would see him during lunch. But for the last couple of days he hadn't shown up and although Haru wanted to ignore it, he found himself unable to. Now he was heading to Rin's classroom. Somehow, he felt ridiculous doing this.

Reaching the classroom, he looked inside but saw no sign of Rin anywhere.

"Are you looking for someone?" One girl asked, turning her head as her back was turned toward him and sat around with a small group of friends.

Three other girls looked at Haru.

"Matsuoka," Haru simply said.

"Ah, you mean Rin! You must be his friend...Nanase-kun?" Another girl explains.

"..." Haru had no interest in introducing himself if they already knew him. He simply nodded.

The previous girl spoke up, "Rin isn't here today. In fact, I think he's been absent for the last couple of days."

Another girl commented, "Maybe he's sick?"

"That can't be right? He was here the day before? He just sort of shows up sometimes."

"Yeah, I think he's been coming to school, it's just that he doesn't come to class. He's been a little strange nowadays hasn't he?"

Their little banter continued for a bit and Haru almost felt like they had forgotten about him.

Finally, the first girl that spoke to him said, "Well, in any case, Rin-kun didn't show up at all today. I think it's safe to say he's absent."

"I see," Haru said, "Excuse me." He bowed a little and promptly left the classroom to walk back to his.

A wave of shock flooded him. As he walked, he felt like time had suddenly stopped. Ignoring the motionless students and the still air around him he thought.

It was true he had tried texting him a few times, but he never answered. Despite his flamboyant personality, he was a terrible texter. He always took a long time to text and sometimes didn't text back at all. There was the possibility he was sick and didn't want to worry anyone. That wasn't too far fetched. But if what the girls had said was true, he was coming to school, just not his classes. That seemed a little off. It didn't sound like Rin at all. What was even more unlike him was that he wasn't telling him or Makoto or Nagisa. Why? Was something going on?

His thoughts had convoluted to nothing but confusion. By the time he reached the door, time began to flow again and Haru finally processed the movement around him. The students moving around. The flowing dust specs mixed with the air around him. Haru joined Makoto and Nagisa, a wave of dread and premonition washing over him.


	5. I Miss Missing You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin has begun to develop a strangely standoffish behavior that Haru cannot understand. No matter how many times he tries to reach him, he somehow manages to slip away from him. To make matters worse, Rin has begun to hang out with a certain person Haru has never trusted. Not knowing what will happen to their relationship (or even their friendship...) Haru finds himself wondering what he should do. But things become more complex as the anxious Makoto Tachibana becomes involved in this mess.

**Chapter 5: I Miss Missing You**

"So this is it," coach Sasabe remarked with a nostalgic tone, "Today is the final day of this year's swim season. We shared our wins and losses, laughed and cried together. Well, mostly cried because of the intense training regimen. But in any case, we still shared our joy of our pain paying off! I am hoping to see returners next year as sadly our last-years are taking their leave for the next stage of life..."

They were having this conversation at the pool. As the coach had mentioned, it was the final day of practice. Technically, the swim season had finished about two weeks ago with their last competition and practice was no longer necessary, but the pool remained open for those who wanted to keep conditioning their bodies. Those would most likely be the returners. Practice was no longer required, but Haru loved swimming. The thought of the pool closing for the rest of winter made him feel a little depressed. He and his friends had promised from day one that they would go to the pool no matter what. Haru intended to keep that promise. And this was the last day they would swim together in middle school with the team.

The coach had made all the last-years stand in front of the underclassmen to be recognized. Haru and Makoto stood there. Nagisa waved at them from among the other boys. Makoto flashed a smile back at him. Haru barely smiled. He only noticed one particular thing.

Rin was missing. Haru found himself instinctively looking around for him.

Catching this, Makoto remarked, "Rin isn't here, huh?"

When he said this Haru wasn't sure why but he felt immensely irritated. This was their final day as last-years in the swim team. No matter how lax his attitude had been toward the team, it was still important to Haru. And to Rin. He couldn't understand why of all days he wasn't here.

It wasn't just this day, for quite some time now, Rin had been acting strange. After the final meet, there were still a few practices left which were meant to be a time of enjoyment for the team members. Not everyone went but it was an important time for the last-years. What was strange was that Rin did not show up without warning. Normally, he would tell him or Makoto or Nagisa. But he told no one. Even stranger than that was that he wasn't coming to his classes either. And when he did come, he wouldn't really talk to anyone, as rumors reported. Something was clearly wrong. Haru promised himself he would confront him when he came to the event today. But it seemed he had simply assumed he would show up. He thought this was important to him. But now he wasn't so sure. Now he felt that could be completely wrong about what he thought he knew.

He never realized how popular Rin really was up until a few weeks ago. Even though they knew each other since seventh grade. He thought he loved academics. He thought Rin loved swimming AND the swim team.

He thought he loved...no. What the hell was he thinking? That was a bit of a stretch. This behavior had nothing to do with him! But now that it had surfaced in his mind, Haru could only wonder.

Did he love Rin? Was he obsessed with him? Had their relationship gone deep enough that he literally craved not just the pleasure he gave him when they kissed, but also his presence? Was that why he was acting so impatient?

Realizing it for the first time made Haru hate himself for thinking of something so selfish. Was he really that needy?

But what truly irritated him more than Rin's lack of presence was his inability to hide what he was thinking. No. That wasn't quite right. Hardly anyone could see through him. But there was one person who could. Makoto. Makoto always seemed to catch on. He knew him too well. And sometimes that irritated him. This was one of those times. His irritation at him, Rin and himself clouded his thoughts a bit. He almost gnarled at Makoto but rather said indignantly, "Tch, it doesn't matter."

"But you're looking around a lot," Makoto insisted on the subject, "and I've noticed that you and Rin have been hanging out more than usual, so I figured..."

Before he could continue, Haru whispered back harshly, "Can you just drop it?!"

Makoto looked shocked. Haru couldn't look at him, knowing he would turn red with embarrassment. He simply looked the other way.  _Tsk, you're cool...you just growled at Makoto and for what?!_  He thought sarcastically. Makoto remained silent after that.

Haru felt truly ashamed. He had lashed out at Makoto without meaning to and all because Rin wasn't there. Great. Now he was blaming Rin for his lack of control. Putting it that way made him feel stupid and immature. What has he been doing for a while now?

* * *

After school, Haru walked home by himself. The orange sky was clear with some pink and reddish clouds. Haru was not particularly fond of staying after school. But today he had stayed at school a little longer than usual. He wasn't sure why. Normally he went home by himself or his friends. But the truth was, he was too ashamed to face Makoto. He didn't want to bump into him on the way home. Or perhaps a part of him hoped that he would bump into Rin out of chance after school.

And he did.

Haru's eyes widened in shock. He couldn't believe it. He wondered if he was mistaking him for another person. But he wasn't. Just a couple of steps ahead of him, there he was. Rin.

Rin was merely a couple of steps in front of him but apparently he hadn't seen him. Haru wondered if this was some kind of dream. The sight of him after a few weeks seemed almost unreal. He ought to have stepped closer to him, but Haru couldn't bring himself to do it. Not because he was completely shocked to see him for the first time in weeks. Rather, he was more shocked by the person who accompanied him.

Mamoru Yoshioka.

Rin was casually hanging out with Yoshioka. Haru knew they were on good terms but what existed between them for a long time was a prominent aura of hostility that anyone could recognize. Although they had put the "friendship label" on each other, the truth was neither liked each other one bit. It was all a competitive game between them to see who would provoke the other first.

But with the way they were talking, Haru didn't sense one bit of hostility. There was no sarcasm in their voices. Nor was there any edge of competitiveness. They were laughing and joking as if they were best of friends. It almost felt foreign to Haru.

Apparently he had gotten there just in time, because Yoshioka began to leave. Neither saw him. Rin remained where he was. Haru tentatively began to approach him. Soon Rin turned his face and recognized him. "Oi Haru," he greeted with the usual Rin-like smile, as if he had always been there.

Haru approached him and glared at him. "Rin," he said with all the bitterness he could muster. What was the matter with him?

Despite his intentions, it seemed that Rin didn't notice. "Hey it's been a while," he said a little too calmly. It annoyed Haru.

"Yeah it has," Haru said with a scowl.

"How did it go with the last practice?" He asked.

So he remembered. If Rin was trying to pick a fight with him, he was hitting the hammer right on the nail. Haru was ready to snap. He bit his lower lip hard before blurting out, "You weren't there."

"Oh I know. Sorry, I had some stuff to do." He chuckled with a low voice.

"Or the practice before and the one before that. Or anywhere for that matter. What are you playing at, you idiot?!" He didn't say anything more.

Neither did Rin. He wasn't smiling anymore either.

"Tsk, if you have time to be busy with Yoshioka then I think you have lots of time to tell me or Makoto or Nagisa that you're missing the most important event of our life!" He wasn't sure what he was asking of Rin. But he had no intention of taking back what he said.

He decided to leave before it got too ugly. Walking past Rin, he felt his arm being pulled harshly. Hiis body was also pulled and he felt an electric current run through his whole being. And his face met Rin's. Then his lips met his. Haru pulled away at once, feeling more shy than angry. How had he pulled him so easily? As if he were a frail girl?!

"Rin! Not here...mn!" But the red haired boy pulled him in again.

Their lips didn't just meet, they practically devoured each other. Haru felt slightly confused by his sudden eagerness. Rin gripped his body tightly, his arms flatly on his back put pressing harder onto him. His mouth kissed and bit at his lips. At some point, he sucked his lower lip once. THIS was new. And it felt damn good! Just from having his palms on his back, he felt the electric pangs. Haru, overcome by his own overwhelming desire, wrapped his shaky arms around Rin's neck and leaned against him, almost whining for more of him. Rin inserted his tongue inside his mouth and explored it like a wild animal. Haru didn't care at this point. And yet somewhere in the back of his mind, he wondered if this was what he had wanted all along. Whatever this relationship was, it was no longer the one they had started with.

After both had calmed a little bit, Rin loosened his arms but didn't let go. Haru gradually pulled away. Luckily there was no one around. At least he hoped so. Both panted for a bit. Rin suddenly said, "I'm sorry. I know I've been going off a lot but that doesn't change anything, I promise. You guys are still my friends. And you..." he stopped.

Haru stared in wonder. What about him?

But Rin never finished the thought. Instead he hugged Haru and pecked his lips. They were so tender and sweet against his. Haru pulled away annoyed. "Oi! I told you not to do that! We're in public!"

"Heh, you're so cute."

"Shut up!" Haru growled and broke free from his embrace.

"I can't believe it's almost the end of the semester. Oi, let's walk home."

Without Saying anything, Haru walked beside him. Both walked home in silence. Haru wasn't sure what to say. He wasn't sure why, but Rin seemed different.

"So I haven't seen you in a while," Rin broke the silence, "And with that kiss you just gave me..." He whistled teasingly, "...makes me wonder if you missed me all this time."

"Tch, it's not like i was crying or anything." Haru frowned at him.

Rin laughed. "Right. "

"..." Maybe he was imagining things but...was Rin talking less? And the way he spoke...it was very unlike him. The way he carried himself. Was something different about him after all?

"Why were you hanging out with Yoshioka?" Haru finally asked.

"Heh, you jelly?" Rin asked teasingly.

"Tsk, not even." He shouldn't have asked. They were reaching their parting point a little too quickly than Haru wanted. He hadn't seen Rin for a while now. He felt that if they parted, who knew when would be the next time they met.

Rin laughed at his comment and for a moment he seemed to be himself. Haru felt an odd sense of relief.

"Haru," Rin said seriously, "I really am sorry."

Haru had to admit he was disappointed that he hadn't been around but he wasn't that upset. Why was he apologizing with that anguished tone?

"Don't worry about it," Haru said, lacking a bit in the reassuring tone. He wasn't particularly good at comforting people. But Rin understood that. "At least tell us next time."

"Hey Haru," Rin said, "let's hang out over break. Just you and me. I'll make up for being gone for a while. What do you say?"

He flashed such a Rin-like smile at him and Haru felt his knees wobble beneath him. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair how easily he won him over with something as platonic as a smile. As if driven by pure instinct, Haru pulled Rin by the collar and forcefully met his lips.

Rin was so surprised, he was pulled in like a rag doll. their lips collided without finesse or grace. Despite how good they both were at kissing at this point, this kiss almost took them back to the moment they started their strange relationship. It was a simple kiss on the lips. But Haru didn't care about that. Just feeling his fleshy lips against his was pure bliss. Anything else was just extra. His gut feeling urged him to kiss him no matter what and so he did.

The truth was he didn't want to part yet. He wanted Rin to stay with him. Was that too much to ask? Waiting around made him feel like an idiot. Even more when he hoped that he would encounter him by mere chance. It was frustrating. He felt like smacking him. Sometimes he felt like crying.

Realizing all of this he thought,  _I...I think I'm in love with Rin._

Thinking it made him shy away. He gradually broke the kiss and backed away. A smile played around Rin's lips.

"I almost forgot how that felt like," he said.

"What?" Haru asked, but Rin didn't reply.

Instead he said, "It's decided! Let's hang out at the end of the year, ok? Haru-chan?"

"Don't call me that..." Haru said indignantly.

Rin laughed, "fine, I'll call you Nanase."

"No."

"Fine. Then I'll see you later,  _Haruka_." At that, he quickly turned around and walked away. Haru watched him leave, a small smile formed around his lips. He walked home feeling at peace, his mind lingering in the promise that Rin would call him and they would hang out like before.

But he never did.

* * *

Final semester

* * *

Haru couldn't concentrate. He stared blankly at the math problem in front of him but no matter how easy this particular problem was, Haru simply couldn't bring himself to do it. He twirled his pen around his fingers and looked out the window from his room. It was getting a little late. It was almost 4. Giving up any hopes of doing this problem, he stood up and walked around his room for a bit, then he sat on his bed. He sighed. A little too deeply. When was the last time he had seen Rin?

The answer was yesterday.

Yesterday, Haru had seen Rin at school. Last semester he wouldn't have thought about it. Or the semester before. Or the semester before that. But now he could literally count the days he saw Rin with his fingers. He only saw him on rare occasions at school. Yesterday had been one of them. He had been walking around after school and had somehow ended up in the PE area where the football team practiced at. Not minding them much, he had ignored them...

Haru hugged a pillow as the recollection engulfed his mind.

"Yo Rin! Over here!" He had heard. At the sound of Rin's name, he immediately turned around, the beat of his heart rekindled like fire. And there he was, running wildly and energetically as if time had never passed. Even from afar, Haru noticed something. Rin was slightly taller. He was more muscular and his hair was getting longer. His voice as he yelled back was just a little lower than he remembered.

He was beautiful. Haru felt the fluttering spread throughout his stomach and his body. There was this godly look and feel about him. He seemed to glow from afar and the way the teammates played along with him made Haru reconcile once again how popular Rin was. Haru wasn't sure how long he had been staring but just as he had reflexively turned around to look at him, his feet seemed to walk on their own and he walked away.

Something was different about his stride. He was walking with bigger and faster strides as if he were being chased. Or perhaps he had feared that Rin had seen him and didn't want to see him in this confused state. But a small part of him hoped that when he turned around again, he would be there. But of course, he had practically ran out of the school and had ended up nowhere near the field. There was no way he could've seen him. No way. Haru finally stopped striding and began to think, individual words and phrases flashing through his mind.

 _Rin is real._  Somehow he felt that he was trying to convince himself that he was.

_Rin is popular._

_Rin is hanging out with Yoshioka._

_Rin isn't coming to class._

_Rin isn't hanging out with us anymore._

_Rin isn't hanging out with me._

His final thought made his chest hurt.  _I miss Rin; I want to kiss him._

At that point, Haru felt something warm and wet on his face. Tears were running down his cheeks like water seeping from a newfound crack. He touched his face, feeling the strange sensation of the wetness on his face. He didn't sob, much less bawled. He had cried before a couple of times. When he was little, he cried because his mom wasn't getting home from work sooner. When he fell off his bike when he was seven, he cried manly tears. WWhen he and Makoto were eight, they had gotten into their first fight and both cried as they apologized to each other. Haru wasn't immune to crying, no matter how light or manly his tears were. But these tears were different. The sadness he felt at any point didn't compare to this one. These were honest tears that spilled out of him because he had lowered his guard. This was the first time he had ever cried over another person.

His chest hurt, his mind raced and weaved all these wicked scenarios and intermingled them with his feelings at that moment. As a result, he found himself crying more, choking back tears and feeling like lead when he lifted his feet to walk home.

Haru hugged his pillow tightly as if his very life depended upon it. When would he see Rin again? That was an unanswerable question, almost. He had seen him by chance yesterday. If he went to the same place, would he be there?

He snapped out of his thoughts when he heard a buzzing sound. It was his cell phone. That's right. He owned one. Picking it up hastily, Haru opened the lid. It was a text message from Makoto.

 _'Hey Haru',_ the text read. It had taken him some time, but Haru promptly apologized for the way he had acted toward Makoto. No matter how angry or anxious he had been, he knew he didn't have the right to yell at him like that. He was his best friend after all. Makoto accepted his apology and the awkwardness between them disappeared, thankfully.

 _'Hey'._ Haru replied unusually fast even for something as simple as that. He normally didn't respond his friends until later. Of course, he didn't take half a day like Rin did. Somehow he felt as if he hadn't seen Makoto in years. Yet they saw each other every day. How strange.

Makoto replied right away. Typical of him and Nagisa.  _'Can we hang out for a bit?'_

 _That's odd,_  Haru thought. They always hung out together since they were kids. Makoto often came to his house to hang out with him. He didn't usually ask since they lived so close anyway. Not that he wasn't a polite child, Haru's parents loved him. Still, why was Makoto asking to hang out as if they were acquaintances? Haru was a little too tired to even think about it. He typed his response quickly, feeling thankful that Makoto had contacted him first.

 _'Ok,'_  he texted back. It was such a crude message but it would do. He didn't wait for a reply as he grabbed some items to take with him and headed out the stuffy room.

* * *

Makoto heard a small bell chime as the door closed behind him. Haru walked in front of him, holding a coconut-flavored ice cream Popsicle. Both promptly walked away from the store and headed for the neighboring park. Neither said a word for a while, partly because they were eating their Popsicle. Makoto had brought Haru out for a reason, however. He could feel a lingering air of awkwardness. There was also a threatening distance between them. Makoto hated this. With each passing second, the silence deafened his ears. He felt his energy being quickly drained by this awkward atmosphere. But what truly bothered him was Haru's silence. He knew something was off. He knew he wasn't acting like himself. Yet he couldn't figure out how to go about asking him anymore.

Normally, he would've just asked directly, but now things were different. Makoto couldn't quite put his finger on it, but there was something...different about Haru. He noticed as they walked around the park. The way he walked, his poised manner, his lean musculature. Everything about Haru was so refined, almost feminine but not like Nagisa. His case was a little more unique and it made him feel uneasy. Why was he thinking of him in this sense?

But looking closer at him, he saw a melancholic look in his eyes. Why did he look so sad nowadays?

He gathered his courage and finally broke the silence, "Haru."

Haru looked up at him, still sucking on the coconut ice cream popsicle. He seemed to be in a trance.

"What is it?" Haru asked nonchalantly, he wiped off some of the coconut ice cream which ran down the side of his mouth.

Makoto found himself feeling nervous for the first time around Haru. He didn't understand why. "Well, how to begin," he laughed a bit, feeling overwhelmed. Despite being best friends, he and never truly succeeded in getting him to openly talk about his troubles with him. Makoto  _knew_  something was wrong. But getting Haru to talk about it was a whole different story. He wasn't confident that he would be able to get him to talk this time either. Nevertheless, his gut told him that this was especially important. At least his built in radar told him so. It was like a sixth sense. And yet, that sixth sense was useless if he didn't even know how to put it to use.

He had stopped talking altogether, his thoughts lingering in the air. But Haru didn't bat an eyelash. In fact, he looked a little irritated. Gulping down his own saliva, Makoto clenched his fists and tried to build his courage again. "It's just that...you don't really... "

 _You don't really seem like yourself_ , he desperately wanted to say. He wondered when he had stopped trying to pry into Haru's life. Then he remembered. When they were kids, they had their first fight when he had tried to pry into his troubles. He had only been trying to help, but Haru didn't seem to think that way. Thus they had a major fight that lasted for a mere three days, but since then, Makoto never tried meddling (as Haru would call it) again. If he ever sensed some trouble, he would ask Haru but no more than that.

Now that he thought about it, this wasn't the first time he had seen Haru in such a downer state. This was similar to that time when they were kids. Haru's parents had left Haru with the Tachibana's for a couple of days because they had some business to do overseas. It was a rare occurrence back in the day, but nevertheless happened. After a while, Haru adopted a fidgety and stubborn attitude. It was more subtle now than back then, but the negative aura surrounding him now seemed more prominent and thus more...despairing. Makoto couldn't leave him alone anymore.

Seeming to catch his intentions right away, Haru looked away and said calmly, "Nothing is wrong, Makoto." Makoto had almost forgotten that he knew him just as well. To Haru, he was an open book. This usually didn't work in Makoto's favor in any way, though.

Hearing this answer made him feel dejected, however. Haru walked a couple of steps ahead of him. After thinking about it, Makoto could somewhat sense who was behind Haru's odd behavior. He had sensed it a long time ago. He had to change his strategy if he wanted to get something out of that boy's mouth.

He kept up with the dazed Haru and asked more bluntly than he wanted to, "Hey, why isn't Rin walking home with us anymore?" He couldn't let his voice waver.

At that, Haru cringed a bit. He had hit the hammer right on the nail.

"Beats me," Haru stated, not bothering to look at him.

But Makoto wasn't satisfied with that answer. Something felt off. "Haru, did you and Rin fight or something? Is that why you're so out of it?"

Haru stopped walking altogether and clenched his fists. Briefly passing him, Makoto turned around, his gaze shifting to his trembling fists. Was he really that flustered? How long has he been bottling these feelings?

Finally, Haru said bitterly, "No, it's not! Why are you bringing up Rin? This is how I always act! You ought to know me better than that!" For once, he was looking right at Makoto. Almost as if he were desperately trying to prove himself.

Makoto didn't buy it, though. "No," he said bluntly, "this is  _not_  how you always act. It's because you're acting like this that I'm worried about you!"

"Well, you're wasting your time and energy because there is nothing to be worried about to begin with," Haru retorted, grimacing. That alone-and the fact that he said an entire sentence with that much passion-only fed Makoto's suspicions. At last, he was getting somewhere. He couldn't back out now.

"If nothing was wrong, then you wouldn't be yelling at me!"

"I'm not yelling!" Haru raised his voice.

Haru  _raised_  his voice!

Makoto couldn't believe it. It was worse than he thought. And yet he  _still_  didn't know what was wrong with him. He was getting tired of second-guessing himself and trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together. He couldn't put them together because the core pieces were missing and thus could only see the edges, but not the main picture. And not being able to see it made him feel...irritated. For the first time in his life, he felt a surge of irritation rise within him, but at the same time-more than the irritation-he felt a sob rise to his throat. The frustration was threatening to release in the form of tears.

"Yes you are!" He cried at the blue-eyed boy, "if this has to do with Rin or something else, maybe I can help. I can try to help or maybe I can listen to whatever you have to say! But just don't lie to me!"  _I beg you_ , he forced himself not to say that.

"I already  _told_ you, I'm fine," Haru insisted, this time their gazes broke and Haru was no longer looking at him.

Feeling hurt and dejected, Makoto felt the irritation surge toward Haru. But also himself. "You're lying," Makoto said, trying to stand his ground but his voice breaking every now and then , "it's because I know you that I'm asking! I know something is wrong! Why is it that everyone seems to know it except me?!"

He might've exaggerated a little. By everyone, he meant his friends. Haru. Rin. Even Nagisa. He felt like an outsider. He didn't understand what was going on, yet everyone refused to tell him. He didn't like it. He felt useless and cast out.

Haru finally looked at him again. He could see that he was slightly shocked.

He couldn't stop himself at this point. "You know, you're not really being fair, Haru. I have never tried to pry into your life since that time. But you promised that if you ever had some trouble that you would tell me about it! We had an agreement! Even though I'm not going to bother you about your troubles, you said you would talk to me or Nagisa or Rin on your own accord. Yet you're not doing that! What's so bad that even I can't know about it?!" He knew his face was red and tears had already spilt from the corners of his eyes. His voice was only getting shakier and inconsistent.

Haru stared at him, clear shock imprinted on his face. Makoto had never seen this face before. A wave of guilt suddenly submerged him.

He had reached his own limit. He had said too much. He was sure that Haru would hate him. Feeling overwhelmed by his own feelings and Haru's rejection, he turned around and ran back home, leaving behind a startled Haru. He was too embarrassed to face him now. He ran without looking back once, the threatening tears finally breaking out like a dam.

* * *

When Makoto had completely disappeared, Haru looked at his feet, feeling ashamed of himself. Did he...mess up? He realized he did. Seeing Makoto run away like that. Bringing out such emotions out of him after a long time. He knew he had screwed up. His eyes widened at the realization. He was already losing Rin. He couldn't bear the thought of losing his best friend either. Makoto.

He...was right.

Makoto had remained by his side all this time, unquestioningly and faithful. He never asked anything from him. Haru had promised him he would confide in him. Isn't that what best friends were there for? He hadn't kept his promise even though he knew that sooner or later, Makoto would begin to suspect something. He tried to pretend he wouldn't notice. He had brought him to this state. What right did he have to yell at him when he had made a promise he didn't keep? Grinding his molars, Haru was shocked to hear a sob escape from somewhere deep in his throat.  _No way, I'm not going to cry..._ he repeated in his mind over and over. Somehow picturing a world without Rin and Makoto was a little...No. It was  _very_  depressing. He couldn't leave things as they were anymore. He had put off telling him for months now. But now he had to tell him. He  _wanted_ to tell him.

He wasn't sure why he said this standing alone in the park. Perhaps it was his way of preparing himself. Nevertheless, he said in a low voice, "Makoto, right now Rin is hanging out with the football team. They're playing games. He hasn't come to visit me in a while. The truth is I miss him, his influence on me is too big for me to bear." He forced a leg up and then another one. Soon he found himself walking forward, heading for the same road to his home, except he didn't go directly home. He took a different turn and headed for the Tachibana's house.

* * *

Makoto abruptly shut the door, his whole body shaking as he leaned against it. At this point, he was fully conscious of what he had done. He had practically yelled at Haru. He had lost his calm. He had felt irritated. But what truly made him feel uneasy was that he had fought with Haru. This was the second time they had yelled at each other like that. Realizing this made him feel bad for talking to Haru in that tone.

But he couldn't help it. He had never reacted that way, so why was he suddenly acting like this?

All of a sudden, he heard a knock behind him. Someone was there.

He was so frustrated with himself and spent more time trying to recompose himself that when he opened the door, he felt his nerves freeze when he saw Haru. He looked the same as before, cool and composed. But something was different. Perhaps this was just him but he sensed a tinge of guilt coming from him. This was truly shocking.

"Haru?" Makoto asked dumbfounded, finding his voice. He had forgotten to invite him in and he stood in front of the door.

It took a moment, but Haru opened his mouth and said, "I'll tell you."

Those three little words clearly rang in his head until they faded like echoes. He couldn't process them right. "What?" He asked stupefied.

Haru didn't flinch. Or at least he seemed to be trying not to. "I promised I would talk to you if something bothered me, so I will uphold my promise." He paused.

Somehow this didn't feel right. Uphold his promise. This made him sound like he was forcing himself to say it. Makoto didn't want that at all! He also didn't want to leave any tension between them. He shook his head and said with all the sincerity he could muster, "No. I'm sorry. It wasn't right of me to try force you to talk about something that might be hurting you. And I don't think it's right to force yourself to tell me if you don't want to..."

At that, Haru shook his head. "I want to tell you."

Makoto was speechless. Somehow, he felt a wave of happiness rise to his chest. Haru  _wanted_ to talk to him about it. This was an improvement. And it made him feel strangely happy. Too happy.

Before he delved into his thoughts for too long, Haru continued, "But you have to promise me that you won't freak out when I tell you. Because I trust you."

Hearing those words made Makoto's body feel strange. It was a  _good_ feeling, but it felt foreign to him. It was a mixture of happiness and nervousness and excitement and disbelief. All extremes manifested in his body.

"I... I promise."

In truth, Makoto wasn't too sure of himself. Was Haru's pain so bad that someone (himself included) might even run away? He wondered.

Finally, the green-eyed boy let in the other boy into his home. They went up he stairs as quietly as they could, like a pair of criminals. Was that really necessary? Makoto wondered. They reached his room. Makoto closed the door behind him. He looked at Haru, who stood in the middle of the room, unmoving. Makoto wondered if he was beginning to take back what he said. But Makoto knew that Haru wasn't a fickle boy. Sooner or later he would talk, and until that time came, he would wait, despite that he was feeling abnormally impatient. Perhaps all this wondering for such a long time had taken its toll on him and now he was feeling anxious. But he said nothing. He simply waited.

He urged Haru to sit down, as he was trembling. It was subtle, but he was trembling, nonetheless. They sat on Makoto's bed, the silence more loud than their shallow breaths. Both seemed to be holding their breath. Haru wasn't saying anything. In fact, he wasn't doing anything. He didn't fight with his hand. His chest barely seemed to be moving. He simply sat there. The only distinction to his lack of movement was the intense focus in Haru's sapphire eyes, the muscles on his forehead creating an expression of intense concentration but also anguish. He wasn't sure which was taking a bigger toll on Haru. Perhaps he didn't know how to start. Perhaps he was too scared to talk. Perhaps both.

Makoto could only imagine. And yet his own impatience was seeping out in its own way. His clenched fists which lay on his lap began to sweat. His heart was pounding with anticipation. Wild and inconsistent thoughts ran through his mind. He just wanted him to say it. Now. He didn't think his heart could take anymore of this waiting.

After what seemed like an eternity, he decidedly broke the silence, "Haru..."

"Wait..." Haru says almost pained, "How do I even begin to say...?"

He left his thoughts hanging. He then paused and bit his lower lip. It was so unlike him. Makoto was shocked to see this side of Haru. He truly was nervous. Not wanting to see him suffer in this manner anymore, he began to say, "Haru, if it's too painful, you don't have to..."

"I'm a homo!" Haru finally blurted out, interrupting him mid-sentence. "And I've fallen for Rin." He didn't continue. But his lips were quivering and his eyes were wide as if he had just discovered a painful revelation.

Makoto held back a gasp. He wasn't expecting this at all.  _Haru...is gay? When did this happen? How? And RIN? Is this why they were acting strange nowadays?_ All these thoughts muddled his mind.

Before he could say something, Haru opened his mouth to speak. "It happened last semester," he said as if he were narrating a long lost book that no one had ever read, "During cleanup duties. For some reason, I kissed Rin one day and..."

He told him everything. And slowly things began to make sense. Like the day he had listened to their conversation at the pool area but didn't understand what they were talking about. He told him about how he had kissed Rin. How Rin had avoided him at first but then eventually sought him out. How the two started their strange relationship that consisted of kissing and embracing. Makoto didn't dare ask if they had done  _that_ , although the question burned on the back of his mind. But he couldn't afford to interrupt Haru's story. He kept telling his story which eventually took a turn and soon, Makoto began to understand everything.

Rin had begun to...change. And Haru still didn't understand how or why. Makoto had noticed this as well, seeing that he no longer hung out with them. To him, it wasn't much of a big deal although he liked hanging out with Rin. But Haru didn't think the same. His absence must've hurt him deeply, since he had fallen in love with him. In his story, Haru never said how he felt. But Makoto could vaguely understand. If anything he could feel the emotions seeping out witch each word he used. He could almost feel them too. The anguish. The confusion. The excitement. The frustration. Now he could finally see the completed puzzle.

He finally understood why Haru wasn't acting like himself.

But the truth was, Haru had stopped being himself the moment he kissed Rin. The moment those two kissed, they had changed forever. He wasn't sure about Rin and to what extent he had changed. But he knew that Haru could no longer go back to the way he was. Knowing this now, even he couldn't go back to how things were before. There was no way he could.

When Haru stopped speaking, Makoto opened his mouth and tentatively asked, "S-so all those times during lunch...y-you were..."

"I was in an empty classroom...kissing him." Haru didn't bat an eye. Nor did he flinch or hesitate. It was nothing but the truth.

Makoto was having a hard time processing everything, but he didn't want to break his promise. After going so long without noticing any of this, he felt he had to do something. Anything. Besides, he had many questions to ask him.

But instead of asking those, he said, "Well since you've realized that you're in love with Rin, shouldn't you be-I don't know-happy about it? I mean, I know love comes with ups and downs and stuff, but you don't seem happy at all knowing that you love him. Why?"

Haru was silent. "I don't know. Perhaps it goes in hand with the fact that I really have no idea how he feels about me at this point." He paused and then looked at him with a firm glare. "But whatever you do, don't interfere."

Makoto asked, feeling dejected again, "What do you mean?"

Haru looked at him gravely, "Don't tell Rin anything about what I told you. Don't ask him about it either."

"But why not?"

"Just don't."

Seeing his face, Makoto could guess why. He was probably embarrassed. Not only was he confiding in him, he was in a vulnerable state. He knew Haru too well and despite his indifferent attitude, he knew he had an unshakable pride and committing himself to something other than swimming was already stinging his pride. He wanted to solve things himself, he didn't want anyone to pry in his business. That much Makoto could grasp. Perhaps he didn't want to be at Rin's mercy despite that his heart already  _was_  at his mercy? He wondered.

In any case, he promised not to say anything.

But he still wanted to be of help. "But Haru-chan, I think you should be happy no matter what. If it bothers you that Rin isn't around, then why don't you go see him play with the football team? It might be a little awkward, but maybe he'll get the hint." He flashed him a genuine smile for the first time in a long time.

Haru looked at him with flashing eyes that neither agreed nor disagreed. After Haru left, Makoto closed the door and wondered why he felt a strange pressure in his chest.  _It must be the shock from today_ , he thought, heading for his room once again.

* * *

He would do it. He was doing it. One late afternoon, Haru forced himself to go toward the football field, where he would undoubtedly find Rin playing with the football team. He had been against it at first, but eventually he recognized that Makoto was right. No matter what his pride told him, he wanted to see Rin. He didn't want to lose him. At least not with the way things were going. Thus his feet marched on toward the field.

His determination wavered with each step getting closer to that field, so he had to force his mind to clear, so he wouldn't turn around. There wasn't any time to be indecisive.

Eventually, he stepped on the dew-dripping grass. He had reached the bleachers and there they were. The football team was playing despite that the ground was moist and wet. Some people sat on the bleachers. A group of girls and a group of goths on one side. Some geeks playing Yu Gi Oh! Some ways from them. Delinquents on the other side were already leaving. Thank goodness. Haru didn't want to encounter them, since according to people he had a "shit personality." He sat one bench behind the one at the very bottom, just a ways away from the group of girls who sat four or more benches away.

He watched. The game was already in play. Somewhere among the crowd, Haru spotted Rin's glistening red hair. He kept his eyes only on him. But he could barely enjoy the game as the group of girls behind him spoke ceaselessly-and loudly-about boys.

"I went out with Yoshioka once," one of the girls says, sounding proud of herself.

"No way! I heard he's so good at kissing but that he's a jerk! Is that true?" Another girls asks.

The first girl replied, "Well, yeah, but the kissing makes up for it."

The three continued their bantering and giggling. Haru couldn't concentrate and found them annoying. That is, until one of them remarked, "You know Rin Matsuoka? I heard that he's a great kisser."

At that, Haru looked behind him a bit. Had he heard that correctly? Rin was kissing...other people?

"Oh, the cute red-headed guy? I've heard that too! He's so cool too! He's athletic, smart and he's hot too!"

They were swooning over Rin.

"You know, I think one of us should confirm it!"

"Let's make it a bet. Fifteen bucks each to the one who kisses him first!" The three giggled.

Haru was disgusted by what they were saying. But in the midst of his irritation, he felt a tinge of red form on his cheeks. If what they were saying was true and Rin really  _was_  confirmed to be a good kisser by other people, could it be it was all because of all the kissing they had done before? Was he a good kisser  _because of him_? The thought made him feel embarrassed. He wasn't sure if he ought to have been proud of that. But more importantly, what truly worried him was what he was doing now that he wasn't around as much anymore. Was he really... _kissing_  other people? Girls? Why? Had he somehow forgotten about him? Nothing made sense. His behavior was too strange, he couldn't even begin to understand what he had done wrong. If he had done something wrong.

He tried to focus on the game for a change, remembering why he was there to begin with.

But then.

"Hey, isn't that Haruka Nanase sitting at the bottom?" He heard one of the girls say.

"Yeah, that's him!"

"Oh man! He's really handsome! He's actually really popular among our year, but I heard he has an unpleasant attitude."

"Yeah, the total opposite of Rin, even though I think they're friends."

What  _didn't_  these girls know?!

"But STILL he's right there! This is our chance, you guys."

Haru could practically feel what was coming. His conjectures were proven correctly when the three girls sat around him and tried to make conversation. Haru was a little too annoyed with them. "Nanase-senpai, what brings you here?" One of them said.

They adopted a superficial attitude. So unlike the way they were talking moments ago.

Haru didn't respond at first, but he said, "Just felt like hanging out here."

"Oh? Here of all places?" The one behind him said. She sounded almost hopeful for something.

Haru shrugged it off. "Does it matter?"

"But that's so strange, we don't usually see you hanging around this place. Wait. Let me guess, you're waiting for your girlfriend, huh?"

Haru hadn't even said anything when the third girl said, "What? I didn't know you had a girlfriend!"

Haru was getting annoyed.  _Fuckery_ , he thought bitterly.

"So who is it? Is it someone we know?!"

Haru couldn't imagine what they would do to her if he did have a girlfriend. He promptly grabbed his backpack and tried to leave this situation. But as he walked one of the girls grabbed his arm. "Hey wait!"

"Oi!" He cried out of reflex. He instinctively pulled his arm back, his force strong enough to knock her down. It took him a moment, but soon he realized he had pushed a girl down. He stared at the girl beneath him, a flood of blood rushing to his cheeks. He truly felt guilty now. He hadn't meant to be that rough.

The game completed, the football team caught a glimpse of the incident and stopped to look, so did the people around them. Haru felt very embarrassed. So much for trying to see Rin. He turned his head and felt like dying when he saw Rin looking straight at him. He wasn't fazed at all.

"Hey Nanase!" The captain yelled out, "why are you pushing down girls?!" He didn't sound concerned. He clearly didn't like him.

Still, Haru didn't know how to respond. No matter what, he would look like an aggressor.  _Rin must be judging me_ , he thought. Knowing there was no way to handle this without getting judgment, he began to saunter out of there coolly, but he then heard, "It was an accident."

Rin had said this, "I saw that girl pulling him. Heh, and it's not the first time she's done that. 'Sides, I know this guy too well. No matter how he acts, he wouldn't hurt a fly." He began to walk away, the captain followed him, making an annoyed face (clearly he wasn't used to following) and so did of the team. Like a bunch of sheep. The girls had walked away as well.

Haru stood there by himself.  _What was THAT?_  He thought confused,  _I don't understand. He defended me but…._

The way he had phrased himself somehow put him off. Maybe he hadn't meant to but after what he said, Haru felt more degraded than protected. ' _...he wouldn't hurt a fly'_ , he had said. Was he implying that he was a wimp? Was he overthinking this?

 _He might've defended me, but was he mocking me?_ That was exactly how he felt. He couldn't picture Rin doing that, and yet he had just done that a mere minutes ago. Was this really Rin? Of course it was him! How stupid of him to think otherwise!

On top of that, did he even notice that he had been there the whole time watching his game? He figured that he had not taken the hint. It would probably take him a few more tries for him to get it, maybe. But a part of him wanted to believe that his presence on this day would have been enough for him to get the hint. They had done so much together. How could he possibly need more than one day to understand why he was there? Even if he didn't know Haru's feelings for him, he ought to have realized that Haru wanted to talk with him. His behavior truly didn't add up. Haru felt the same pressure tighten painfully in his chest. He left the bleachers and walked home, bracing himself for what would happen the next day.


	6. I'll Just Get Denied

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haruka Nanase can't remember the last time he kissed Rin. In fact, he can't remember the last time the two talked properly. Thus, unable to withstand this distance any longer, he has set out to try to face Rin however he can. Makoto, who now understands what is going on with Haru and Rin, finds himself more and more worried about his friends. Even worse is that he discovers something completely unexpected about a close friend...Nagisa Hazuki.

**Chapter 6: I'll Just Get Denied**

Makoto would've gone home sooner, but he had classroom duties he had to fulfill no matter what. So he ended up stuck after school doing and delivering paperwork to the teachers. He didn't understand the point of that although he didn't mind either. Being done with all his duties for the day, he walked around the empty halls of the school. He truly wished to go home. The school halls were chilly and empty.

the bigger problem was that it was raining outside.

The rain had halted for a couple of hours before. But now it was back to unceasing rain. One of the perks of spring, Makoto supposed. Although he wasn't particularly fond of the rain. He wasn't sure why, but the rain simply didn't faze him. If anything, he had caught various colds from exposing himself to the rain. He hated being sick. Strangely enough, today the rain seemed very soothing compared to the situation he was dealing with this final semester.

He couldn't believe graduation was just around the corner. Makoto felt the excitement and the anxiety dwell within him for the last month or so. Even more now, he was aware that was going to graduate. He was going to high school. From the moment they had all met, Makoto and his friends had decided that they would all go to Iwatobi high school. To this day, that promise stood. Haru, Nagisa (although he would arrive a year later) and himself would all go to Iwatobi. He was happy with this, but there was an essential problem.

Rin was going to a different high school.

Makoto stopped in front of the school entrance. There was no way he could go home with this rain not letting up. And he had forgotten his umbrella. He would have to wait. It was troublesome, but he didn't want to risk catching a cold. He turned around and began to walk around the empty halls once more, feeling uneasy about the absence of human souls. It was unnerving to him.

As he walked aimlessly, he wondered how Haru felt about that. In fact, he wondered how he was feeling in general. No matter how much they claimed to be best friends, he didn't feel any closer to Haru than before. He stopped in front of a window, watching the droplets of rain snake their way down the glass, absorbing all the nearby droplets in the process. Why did he feel so glum nowadays? Last year, he was completely happy. And the year before. And the year before that. When had he began to feel this way? But he knew the answer, although he didn't dare voice it even in his mind. It wouldn't be fair. He couldn't possibly blame Haru for these strange emotions that he felt nowadays. After all, he figured that whatever pain he felt right now, Haru was probably feeling it tenfold. He briefly remembered that time, just a few months ago, when Haru had opened up to him for the first time in his life.

Haru had told him he was gay. That he and rin shared a strangely physical relationship. That he had fallen in love with Rin. That Rin had changed. And, although he wasn't too direct about it, Makoto knew he wasn't happy.

They did not talk much about Rin or their secret. Haru had specifically asked him not to intervene in any way. Although he couldn't stand watching Haru suffer the way he was suffering. Shouldn't Rin have taken the hint by now? He thought a little frustrated as he traced one of the snaking droplets with his index finger until it reached the bottom. As he lifted his finger, he saw how red and cold it was. Spring truly had its perks. He walked away from the window and began to wander again.

About two months ago, Makoto had advised Haru to go see Rin, to watch his games with the football team. But now he wasn't so sure if that had been the right thing. Haru went to every game. He had never seen Haru so committed. But at the same time, Makoto thought Rin should've taken the hint a long time ago. He should've taken the hint the moment Haru set foot on that field. Despite knowing some of what was going on, Haru refused to tell him what happened. This probably stemmed from the fact that Haru didn't want to get him involved. And yet, Makoto knew he wasn't doing so well. It only made him worried.  _You're not being fair Haru_. He thought absentmindedly, although he couldn't exactly say he was being fair either. Haru was keeping this from Nagisa, but so was Makoto.

A swift feeling of guilt made his body cringe even as he walked. He felt like a traitor for not telling Nagisa, even though he had promised Haru he wouldn't tell anybody. It wasn't his secret to begin with. It wasn't his call. But even so, not telling Nagisa just felt  _wrong_. What was the point of friendship if his closest friends couldn't be trusted?

"I think we should end it here." Makoto heard a distinct voice say. He stopped in his tracks momentarily, hearing the voice come from just around the corner.  _There are people hanging around still?_  He thought, quickly dismissing the question as the answer was obvious. The voice that had spoken was that of a male with a voice lower than most boys. It was probably a last year breaking up with his second or first year girlfriend. It was a common thing that happened since most relationships didn't last in middle school anyway. Much less through high school. In any case, Makoto didn't want to interrupt anything. He quietly turned on his heel and began heading for the other direction.

But then.

"Yeah, you're right," the other boy agreed easily. Wait.  _Boy_? Had he heard right? The voice was much higher than the other boy's, but nonetheless, Makoto couldn't be mistaken. The other voice was unmistakably male. More than that, it was vaguely familiar. No. It was familiar. Too familiar to the point that his suspicions suddenly kept him from going the other way. Now his feet had forced him to go the opposite way. All to verify that it wasn't true.

 _That voice...it can't be, can it?_ Makoto thought vaguely to himself.

Just as he thought this, he peeked around the hallway and his eyes widened in disbelief. What?! At first, he thought his eyes were tricking him, as the sight before him was more than surreal. He couldn't shake his gaze away, it had frozen in place. He didn't recognize the taller boy, although he was unmistakably a last-year like himself. But he knew that small frame next to him better than anyone. The golden blonde hair. The finely effeminate profile of his face. The wild hot pink hues of his pupils. The long eyelashes. He wasn't easy to forget, whether it was himself or any other person. He would have been a poor excuse of a friend if he had not recognized his voice.

The small-framed boy was none other than Nagisa.

Makoto snapped back to reality when the taller boy spoke up, finally breaking that fine line between realism and surrealism. And Makoto could finally see that the situation was as real as he was. Realizing this, he backed away and hid just around the corner of the hallway, positive that he had not been seen. He knew it wasn't polite to listen to other people's conversations, but the circumstances were different if it involved his friends. At least that was what he told himself.

"You know, I feel kind of bad," the older boy said with a chuckle. There was a tone of melancholy and regret in his voice. As if he were trying to apologize for doing something horrible.

"Why is that?" Nagisa asked. Makoto felt strange hearing Nagisa's voice. There was something about the tone of his voice. It sounded almost  _tame_. It wasn't empty. But it was a demeanor to his usual cheerful voice. Makoto wasn't used to hearing him with that calmness. All in all, this was a different Nagisa than he was used to. A doubt lingered in his mind, however. Was he really  _different_  or had he always been like this and he simply hadn't noticed? Another wave of guilt began to threaten when the latter thought crossed his mind.

"Well," The other boy sounded nervous, Makoto heard scratching sounds. He was probably scratching his head. "It's just…."

"What is it?" Nagisa said in a soothing voice, coaxing him to speak his mind. That truly was one of his virtues.

"If I hadn't done...what I did to you...you probably wouldn't have started this relationship with me, you wouldn't be fucked up like me," the boy said apologetically, "Every time I think about it, I feel like shit…."

"It's okay," Nagisa interjected, his voice soothing and calm, without any blame. Whatever he had done (which Makoto wasn't really sure of from what he was saying), Nagisa did not hold it against him. "Whether it had been you or anyone else, it was bound to happen. You're not the only boy who sees me this way. Before you, there were other guys who wanted to…."

"Please, don't continue," the other boy said with a desperation in his voice, "It hurts to think that I was like them. And after all this, I'm leaving you. Hazuki-chan, I'm sorry."

Nagisa laughed, "All this time and you still call me 'Hazuki-chan'. You never change, do you?"

"I guess not," the boy said with a chuckle.

There was a pause before Nagisa spoke up, "You know, I don't think you're a bad person."

"Oh? How so?"

"Well, if you were like the other guys, you would've probably disappeared a long time ago," Nagisa said genuinely, "Heck, you wouldn't be crying about leaving me right now!" Makoto could picture him smiling as he said that.

"Wha?! I'm not crying!" Makoto heard his voice crack a little. He was crying after all. Or at least he was about to.

"Yes you are! There's a tear, right there, on your cheek!" Nagisa said teasingly.

"Hazuki-chan!" The boy said with a tone of hurt and embarrassment. And suddenly, Makoto heard as the two boys began to laugh.

"I'm not angry with you about anything. And I don't regret anything either. It was fun while it lasted ! But no matter what, I wish you the best wherever you go!" Nagisa said cheerfully. There was another pause before he said concerned, "Oi! Do you like me so much that you have to cry?"

"Yeah," the boy replied, "Is that bad?"

Nagisa hesitated and then he said, "No, it's not bad at all."

"Then, can I kiss you one last time?"

"Yes." Makoto wasn't sure, but he thought he had heard Nagisa's voice break a little bit. It was so subtle. Maybe he had simply imagined it. There was a moment of silence, and Makoto knew what was happening. But the silence seemed so loud, Makoto felt that merely breathing would give him away. Neither noticed him to his relief.

maybe a minute passed. Possibly less. But it felt like an eternity. Not knowing if they were done or not, Makoto began to hear footsteps. They were walking away from him. That was a relief, since he had been planning to walk away from the situation himself. Arraid of remaining in this situation any longer, he stepped away from the wall and resolved to walk away.

However.

"Mako-chan, I know you're there. You can come out now."

* * *

The rain had finally become drizzle. But the dark grey clouds threatened to pour more of the relentless droplets when the chance came. Haru sat alone. Naturally, no one else was around him on the bleachers. Who in their right mind would go out at a time like this and sit on the wet bleachers? The answer was himself, of course. And who in their right mind would go out and play football in the muddy field under unceasing rain? That would be the football team, although there were less members playing for obvious reasons.

But Haru was here for a reason. This wasn't the first time he had sat on the bleachers while raining. Although today it was raining more than usual. He found it a little irritating. His mother had yelled at him a few times, concerned that he might catch a cold. But for some strange reason, he didn't heed her advice to stay out from the rain. He didn't understand it much himself but he felt the  _urge_  to sit on the rain and not listen to his parents. Nowadays, he wanted to kick down a trash bin. Climb out of his bedroom window and wander in town past curfew. Trespass a public pool and swim to his heart's content. He wanted to do something  _dangerous_. Like going up to Rin, grabbing his hair and pulling him to a passionate kiss. It was very unlike him to think like that. More strange was the sensation he felt whenever he saw Rin now.

It had only been a few months, but the memories he held of him felt distant. It was if they had never met in seventh grade but rather as if they had met in a previous life and the memories remained. It had never crossed Haru's mind that one day he would look at Rin as if he were meeting him for the first time in his life. Approaching him almost seemed dangerous at this point. He wasn't sure what he would do when he finally approached him.

That had been his setback these past months.

It would be two months since he started doing this. It was practically routine now. Before, he always went home after school ended. Now he automatically headed for the bleachers, knowing he would be there, if he was lucky. He always sat one seat behind the first bleacher on the same spot. Then he would simply watch. Once in a while, people would ask him if he wanted to join in, since he was there without fail. But he would always shake his head, betraying their expectations and leaving them more confused about his intentions. The girls that had annoyed him before never showed up there again, at least when he was around.

For the past two months, he had made it to every game without fail. It didn't come without setbacks, however. His mother often scolded him for being out so late, even though he usually came home around 5:30 pm. Sometimes there were no games held, either because of the weather or some other reason. And a little too often, Rin wouldn't show up to all the games. Once he didn't show up at the field for almost two weeks.

Haru felt relief and anxiety at the same time. Mostly because at least he learned something about Rin. For starters, he wasn't blindly following anybody. He always did what he wanted to do, that was a part of him Haru knew so well. And it remained. So that was a relief to Haru. But on the other hand, he thought he would lose sight of him again. Who knew what he would do if he lost track of him again after not seeing him for a long time. To make matters worse, Rin still hadn't noticed him. No. That wasn't right. He HAD noticed him. He must've by now. He had noticed him since the first day, but for some reason, he wasn't approaching him. Haru didn't understand why.

There were days he would lose hope and feel like walking away for good. But on those days, Rin would always return a glance at him and walk away, their gazes locked in place. And in those moments, Haru would return to the place of timelessness, the ones he and Rin had shared countless times. The place of timelessness. A world where only he and Rin existed. No one else. But then Rin would be the first to break the gaze and Haru would feel empty.

But it wasn't just the emptiness that bothered him. His pride was also hurting immensely. He constantly experienced the feeling of getting stares from people around him who had no idea why he was there. He could feel the judgment coming from the football team itself.

"Yo, isn't that guy always there?" He heard one of the teammates say to another one day.

"Yeah, I don't know who he is, though," the other had answered.

"Why is he there though? If he wants to play, he could just ask."

"Someone asked him already and he doesn't want to play."

"Weird. So what? Is he here to watch us play or something? That's creepy!"

"I know! I don't get him. But I heard he's a swimming prodigy, maybe we should feel honored?"

"Tsk! Fuck that! No one gives a shit about swimming, 'Sides, swimming is for girls."

Haru wasn't particularly fond of being called a prodigy, but hearing that guy insult the swim club irritated him. He thought of his old teammates who had worked ceaselessly to become better at what they did. They may have not been as buff as these guys, but they were certainly not weak. The members of the football team truly annoyed Haru. They only thought of themselves.  _Why is Rin hanging out with people like them?_  Haru wondered,  _they're the opposite of what Rin believes in!_

But was it possible that Rin's beliefs had changed as well? Perhaps they no longer were the same as they used to be? When these thoughts had crossed his mind, Haru didn't dare approach Rin even though it had been his intention from the beginning. But the truth was, he was afraid.

He truly had no idea what would happen if he were to approach Rin. Would he find traces of the friend he met in seventh grade? Or would he be a completely different person now that so much time had passed? The realization made him so fearful and hesitant of taking that first step, even though sometimes he couldn't stand how lonely he truly felt.

"Tch!" Haru cried annoyed when he felt a large droplet land right on the tip of his nose. He wrinkled his nose and then wiped it off, feeling stupid for doing that as more droplet began to land on his face and body. The drizzling had finally turned into rain again. For the first time since he got there, Haru shivered. He pointlessly wrapped his arms around himself, knowing that his clothes were already soaking wet and thus would provide no body warmth of any sort. And yet he couldn't help but hug himself, hoping for any relief of this cold. He refused to walk away now. He wouldn't get up to shelter himself from the rain.

Somehow, he felt that today would be different. Today, he felt strangely more hopeful than usual. So he simply watched, enduring the the cold, wet sensation of the rain.

* * *

Makoto came out of his weak hiding spot, feeling more than ashamed. "Nagisa-chan...I..." He quickly began to apologize. He wasn't sure why but he was almost positive that Nagisa would yell at him. Seeing this side of him made him feel that way.

But Nagisa only smiled. "Don't worry about it. It's not a big deal."

"But..." Makoto wasn't placated by that. What he had witnessed wasn't "not a big deal". He had just witnessed a side of Nagisa he had never encountered since they had met. He had always known that Nagisa had highly feminine attributes that not everyone could ignore. But he had never considered that he could potentially be gay. Much less that he was holding a secret relationship behind their backs. It was pretty clear that neither Haru and Rin knew about this. Did that mean he was the first to find out? A small sense of betrayal made his chest ache a bit. But even more than that, he began to doubt himself. Did he really have such bad judgment? Or was he simply not worthy enough of knowing his friend's problems? Immediately, a face surfaced in his mind.

Haru.

Haru had done the exact same thing. Even now he still wasn't opening up to him. Rin didn't even talk to him anymore. And now Nagisa was doing the same as the other two. Makoto felt a rush of uncomfortable feelings surge within him. And once again, he felt...irritated. Irritation. Frustration. Disappointment. Fear. His world was crumbling around him. His friends were disappearing one by one and he felt so left out. No matter how much he could sense his friends uneasiness, the truth was he was powerless. That built in radar was nothing but crap since he couldn't even realize these things sooner. He was tired of being the friend who heard everything last.

He couldn't keep quiet about this anymore.

Looking at the ground, Makoto gulped and found his resolve to ask, "Nagisa...since when...?" He couldn't finish the sentence, the shock was still a little overwhelming.

Nagisa simply looked at him with a kind smile. Ironically, this didn't placate Makoto. It only served to further drive him to the brink of irritation. "You must have questions, huh?" Nagisa replied with a small chuckle, "Though you don't really need to worry! It wasn't serious or anything."

No. Stop it. He wanted to say. He felt like he was being mocked. He didn't want to be placated like a child anymore. For goodness sake, he was almost a high schooler! He couldn't take that from his friends anymore. Weren't they friends? Yet Nagisa was trying to dodge the question. He looked up from the ground and stared seriously at Nagisa. "I'm serious."

Nagisa's light smile soon disappeared. He was clearly shocked to see Makoto react like that. "Erm, well," he paused, trying to find the right words to say.

But Makoto only wanted the truth. What did he mean it wasn't serious? Everything about what he just witnessed was far from  _not_  being serious. Thus, he said, "Nagisa-chan, It's tiring, you know," at this point he was pouring out his own feelings, "I-I never knew this side of you until now. Not once did I notice this from all the time we've hung out together. Do you understand that? And yet you've never said anything either. I want to understand why. Am I not good enough for you? Or Rin? Or Haru? Have I failed in some way and that's why none of you can trust me? Heck, I worry about you all and yet I'm still being left out of everything! Which is why..." He stared at Nagisa again seriously and managed to put a sad smile, "...don't try to sugarcoat anything. I-I want to know everything! Just don't hide things from me anymore. We're friends, aren't we?"

Nagisa only stared in wonder. Just like him, Nagisa had never seen this side of Makoto. And he finally understood that he was serious. Putting a sad smile himself, Nagisa opened his mouth and, without replying to his "speech", he answered, "I've kind of always known."

Makoto didn't say anything. He only listened.

"It's kind of funny," Nagisa said with a hint of melancholy in his voice. This was the true Nagisa. The one Makoto wanted to see. The small-framed boy continued, "since I was little, I have always looked like a girl. Even now a lot of people mistake me for a girl. When I started middle school, I wasn't sure why, but the last years often gave me a...strange look. I couldn't understand it at first."

He must've been referring to the boys that graduated last year. Makoto remembered them. A lot of the former last years he had met in his second year were very hostile and perverted. Not all of them, naturally.

"I give off a very effeminate aura, you know? So some guys tend to be very attracted to me. And somewhere along my first year in middle school, I realized that I was...gay."

"How did you...?"

"Please don't ask me about that!" Nagisa quickly interjected, suddenly looking away shamefully, "Whatever you do, please don't make me say it."

Makoto couldn't refuse that genuine request. Nagisa looked so hurt. He had never seen him make that kind of expression. Sometimes he pouted, or felt disappointed about trivial things. Like how he couldn't get his favorite video game because it sold out. Or how he dropped his ice cream Popsicle on a puddle of water. Things like that. But never had he seen him look genuinely sad. Makoto decided not to venture beyond that pain. It was already enough for him that his friend was no longer leaving him in the dark.

He chose to change to subject. "And you're attracted to guys?"

"Yes."

 _Couldn't it just be a phase?_ He wondered. He'd met a few people who claimed to be gay but never really were in the end. He didn't want to doubt his friend, nor did he  _hope_  that he wasn't gay. But that was another possibility he couldn't ignore either. Judging the way he had spoken with that boy, however, he kind of doubted that possibility. Perhaps he genuinely was gay. He wasn't sure what was true anymore. Speaking of that boy...

"Who was that guy...?" Makoto reluctantly asked.

Nagisa hesitated. He bit his lower lip before replying, "I-I loved him. Very much. I was seeing him in secret."

"I see..." Makoto was flustered. Was he surrounded by gay friends? Not that he wasn't okay with it, he just felt so left out. First Haru, now Nagisa...who would be next? Himself maybe? He blushed and shook his head. "This is more than I can handle...first Haru..."

At that he stopped himself, remembering his promise. It had slipped out of his mouth.

But Nagisa caught on quickly. He leaned against the wall and smiled, "Mako-chan, you don't have to worry. I know about Haru-chan."

"Eh?!" He hadn't been expecting that at all.

Nagisa laughed, not bothering to explain more.

"B-but h-how...?!" Did Haru tell him after all? Was he truly the only one that had been in the dark all this time?!

It took him a moment, but Nagisa replied thoughtfully, "Hm...intuition probably."

"What do you mean probably?" At least he wasn't the only one that had been in the dark.

"Well, to be honest, I often feel this vibe around Haru that's similar to mine. And when Rin used to be around, he looked at Haru with the same look boys give me sometimes. It's very subtle, but it's there. And seeing how they were acting...well, I just sort of figured it out."

"I see," Makoto truly felt out of place. He told Nagisa, "So, why didn't you tell us about this?"

Nagisa's smile disappeared momentarily, albeit he didn't look annoyed either. He said, "Well, I didn't want any of you to see me in a different light. I just want you to see me as me. No matter what, I'm still the same person. I hope that makes sense..."

Strangely enough, Makoto saw a little bit of Haru in those words. Perhaps he had felt the same way. That time, a few months ago, he had told him not to meddle. Perhaps this was the reason why. He didn't want to be treated in any other way than he was used to. He wished he could understand Haru better. He wished he could sense these things easily. He hadn't even realized the problems his friends were facing and not being able to understand made him feel even worse. What could he do to understand Haru? Even though he had promised not to interfere, he couldn't stop thinking about him.

"Mako-chan, it doesn't bother you does it?"

Makoto Snapped out if it. He realized he had lost himself in his thoughts, "No," He replied, "Not at all. It's just that I've been worried recently about Haru. He...has been acting less and less like himself. So has Rin. I promised Haru I wouldn't interfere, but I can't ignore it anymore, I don't know what to do."

"Well, the rain won't let up anytime soon, maybe we can figure it out together."

At that, Makoto smiled. "Yeah," he replied. Closing that gap between himself and Nagisa, the two began to walk down the hallway, the rain splattering on the glass outside.


	7. Cue All the Love to Leave My Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of the year is reaching its conclusion. Soon the last years will be graduating from middle school and pass on to High School. One problem remains, however. Haru still does not understand Rin. Fed up with all this mess that has gotten out of proportion, the blue-eyed boy takes a stand and faces the other boy for once. Will their meeting serve to fix the unexplained problems between them? OR will it simply drive them apart?

**Chapter 7: Cue All the Love to Leave My Heart**

_Clank. Clank. Clank._

Haru heard the faint sound of rain beating against the metal bleachers.  _Clank. Clank. Clank._ Had the rain always been this loud? Haru looked up at the gray clouds and a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. The rain landed on his plastered hair and ran down his cold face. How long had he been sitting there? Why could he hear the rain so clearly now? He had never noticed it before, so why now?. The smile continued to widen.  _Clank. Clank._ He knew the answer.  _Clank_. The rain was loud like the night. He didn't understand why, but a surge of nostalgia rose within him. Whenever he used to sneak around at night to eat extra mackerel while his parents were asleep, he would be very conscious of every movement he made, as the noises he made seemed to be a thousand and one times louder than daytime.

At night, he could hear everything. The creaking floorboards. The echo of his tiptoes. The weeping cicadas. The whispers of the breeze outside. His beating heart which he thought would wake up all of Japan. The sound when he opened the refrigerator door and snuck out the mackerel. The loudest noise was probably that of the microwave which probably woke up half of East Asia. At least that was what he thought back then. But the loudest noise was the panic in his head when he would sprint back to his room and hope he had not been caught.

He wasn't sure why he was suddenly remembering this. Maybe he was hungry for some mackerel. Maybe he had been thinking a little too deeply that there no longer was a connection between this and that. He wasn't sure what connection he was trying to make. It didn't make sense anymore. Nothing made sense anymore. His mind. His sanity. The weather. Rin. Nothing made sense at all.

Haru sat alone in the same lonely spot, his body surrounded by puddles of rain. He didn't flinch anymore as his clothes stuck to his cold and numb flesh. It felt surprisingly refreshing somehow. The rain that had landed on his hair dripped onto his face and neck. His socks were soaked, making him oddly uncomfortable compared to the rest of his body. Everytime Haru wiggled his toes, the sense of water between his toes was enough to make him feel uncomfortable. How odd. He lowered his face and immediately his gaze fell to his hands which lay limply on his thighs. The fingertips were red and he noticed that his hands were shaking, if ever so subtly. The nerves on his fingertips were just as numb as the rest of his body. He didn't want to imagine what his face looked like. But that was the least of his problems.

Another football game had ended. But something was awfully wrong.

Rin did not notice him this time either. No. He already knew he had noticed him. But why didn't he approach him?

Or yesterday?

Or the day before?

Or the day before that?

Or the  _week_ before that?

Or the  _month_  before  _that_?!

And then it finally dawned on him. It had been clear from the beginning. From the first day that Rin didn't approach him, he never had the intention of coming to him. REgardless of how many times he sat here, in the same lonely spot, under the rain, surrounded by the judgment of others, Rin would never approach him.

But another question lingered...why hadn't he gone to Rin himself?

"Tsk," an annoyed groan escaped Haru's lips.

A surge of embarrassment followed right after. A strange sensation like an electric shock triggered throughout his body and he sat upright, his muscles suddenly rejecting the cold and numbness he had felt before. He knew this feeling. It was a cringe attack. He rarely had those, but today, that cringe attack seemed to beat any other he had ever had in his lifetime.

But more importantly.

Haru scowled and ground his molars suddenly enraged and wildly embarrassed. What had he been doing all this time?! Why was he sitting alone in the rain? He could catch a cold! His mother would worry! He never did unnecessary rituals like this. In fact, did he even have rituals to begin with? Why was it impossible to talk to Rin now? That boy who had been his close friend. Whom he had come to see in a different light because now he loved him. And he was so sure that back then, he probably loved him too. Maybe he was testing his luck, but he couldn't possibly be wrong.

Rin probably loved him with as much intensity as he did. But he didn't understand him. At all. When did he begin to drift away from him? When did they stop being friends? Would he ever bring closure to their...strange relationship? Or was that just as gone as their friendship? Ugh. Nothing that boy did made sense!

Shaking his head, Haru tried to clear his mind a bit. When had he become this inquisitive?!

 _Fuckery! That's exactly what this is! Absolute fuckery!_ The wild thoughts raged in Haru's mind. He truly felt silly at this point. Despite his hopefulness, despite his optimism, Rin did not go to him. But what had he been expecting? That after a long time of being ignored, a little rain would suddenly cause a change of heart in Rin? Ha! He should have known better. This was fuckery at its finest! He had gone there ritually, sat there and hoped for something but he got nothing. He would get nothing no matter how long he kept this up. He realized this now. Suddenly another cringe attack bit at Haru. He was truly embarrassed for doing something so...stupid. He wondered why it had taken him so long to realize that. Ridiculously long.

Why the hell was he enduring something numbingly painful like the cold rain?

He had reached his limit. Hell! He should've reached that limit a long time ago. "Ha…" A weak laugh managed to make it past the gap between his pale lips, "hahaha." He laughed quietly. He should've been enraged. But he was laughing. His rage had not lessened one bit. Yet for some reason he felt like laughing at everything. At Rin. At the football team. At the world. At Makoto. At his mom. But more than anyone, he wanted to laugh at himself. And he did.

It was a mystery to him how he had kept it up for so long. The reality was that Rin would never go up to him. No matter how many times he went, no matter how bad the weather, Rin was not going to talk to him. He laughed and chuckled until he finally ceased, a small pressure in his chest suddenly relieved. But that was only one pain of many others. And sadly, laughter alone couldn't possibly relieve those.

Feeling an odd sense of resolve and renewal, Haru arose abruptly. He was shocked when his body was slightly weighed down by his clothes which were still soaked with rainfall. The fabric clung to his skin like a snail on a leaf. For the first time, Haru realized how disgustingly uncomfortable his clothes felt against his body. Even more annoying were the droplets falling off his hair which constantly landed on his eyes.

When he had not been expecting it, a sudden breeze blew at him, and he pointlessly wrapped his arms around his body, knowing better than to expect any body warmth out of himself at this point.

Instead, he sauntered off the slippery bleachers and stepped on the mud, his white shoes completely stained by the it. His mother would surely yell at him and ground him for sure this time. But he didn't care. His pent up anger was threatening to surface at any moment. So instead of unleashing it at an innocent soul, why not go up to the main cause of it?

With a sheer sense of determination, he determinedly headed for the boys PE locker room, arms still clutching at himself. His mind was clouded by so many intense emotions. He had no idea what he was going to do or say. But that didn't matter. All he wanted was to set things straight with Rin for once and for all.

 _Rin, what happened to you?_  Haru wanted to ask desperately, feeling his heart sink while his cold, wet skin only contributed to his misery. Despite the rage in his mind, he couldn't help but remember that boy he had met in seventh grade. How he did not trust him initially because of the fresh aura that attracted many others.

But Rin had only been interested in him and Makoto when they met.

And still, Haru did not trust him and Rin knew that. So he sought to win over his trust. And slowly, he succeeded. Haru remembered this.

The moment he had won over his respect.

Back in seventh grade, he had gotten in a fight with the captain of the football team because he didn't like his attitude. More importantly, the members of the football team had been making fun of the swim team, which irritated Rin. It was the first time Haru had seen him fueled with anger. The crimson-haired boy punched the hell out of that boy. He said nothing else. He didn't need to, as Haru understood every bit of his feelings in that moment. Almost as if they had been speaking to each other without words. And in that moment Haru knew that he was worthy. He was like him. He had won every bit of his respect as the two fought against those who had hurt their pride.

Perhaps he had already won him over back then. And everything that happened last semester was only bound to happen. It had only been a matter of time. And finally it had happened.

But nothing that boy did made sense anymore. From the moment he had sought Haru to start their strange relationship, to the time he started missing school, to now, where he was ignoring him for reasons unknown to him. Rin had always been clear about how he felt. So why wasn't he even trying to get his feelings across?

He had been so lost in his thoughts that he felt as if the door to the locker rooms had appeared out of nowhere. Upon entering, he was greeted by the moist vapor coming from the showers. The feel of it was nostalgic, he would rinse with the members of the swim team after every practice. The feel of warm water vapor was especially nice on days like these. The clothes on his skin felt just a tad more bearable.

Snapping out of his nostalgia, he noticed one of the boys from the football team pass by him. He eyed him suspiciously before entering the locker rooms and disappearing from his sight. Haru only stared back with his own glare. He walked toward the door and wrapped his fingers around the knob, turning it.

But he heard someone say, "Yo, Rin, your girlfriend's here!" Haru suddenly stopped all movement and didn't open the door. It was presumably the boy from just now that had said that. Laughter erupted from inside, making him lose a bit of his confidence. Another doubt surfaced in his mind.

How did they know he was there to see Rin? It couldn't possibly be that Rin told them about him? There was that possibility that they had used process of elimination since none of them knew Haru. But he knew they weren't that smart. It was also very likely that Yoshioka had told them about him when Rin still hung out with him last semester. Or that they saw them hanging around before Rin had...changed. Those options seemed more plausible.

"Shut up," he heard a distinct voice say. Haru's body and heart froze completely. The only thing that moved was the water dripping onto his forehead and his hand that shook around the doorknob. He had heard this voice so many times, but now it seemed almost foreign.

Rin.

"Aww you defending your 'girl', Matsuoka?" A voice unknown to Haru said. Another burst of laughter echoed. Haru didn't know if Rin had joined in or not, but he never responded to the other boy's question.

Haru couldn't possibly go in with that atmosphere. He unwrapped his hand from the knob and resolved to leave the situation. But then.

Another boy said, "Aww come on, Rin, it's just a joke! Take a chill pill."

"It's Matsuoka for you." Again. The foreign voice. That voice which was a little lower, but more importantly, lacked that sense of freshness. It sounded fed up of everything, especially of those two.

The boys talking to Rin laughed, "Woah, my bad Mr. Sourpuss! Seriously, you should go get laid or something."

At that Rin laughed. "Oh? And I suppose you're experienced just because you secretly read your brother's porn? Bra-fucking-vo. you should celebrate with a good lay. Oh wait." He paused. "You haven't gotten laid." Haru found himself wondering. Was this really Rin?

"Ugh, how annoying!" the same boy said, his voice fading out. Rin didn't reply. He probably didn't care.

Shortly after the jokes died out, everyone began to leave. They came out in groups. Sometimes in twos or threes. Two boys, which Haru assumed to be the bad jokesters, stepped out and went on with their conversation without noticing him.

"Seriously, what's his problem?" One of them asked, very irritated.

"Who knows?" The other said, "I mean, Yoshioka recruited him for a reason. He said he was pretty cool, too."

"Yeah, I heard pretty neat things about 'im too from other people, not just Yoshioka. But he has such a shitty personality! I heard he used to be pretty laid-back and funny."

"He's a mystery nowadays. Makes me wonder what happened to that guy."

"Who cares," the boy said, stretching out his arms, "Yoshioka says he's cool, plus he's a pretty good player so I guess we have no choice but to keep tolerating him. Plus it's only for a few weeks until graduation."

"What a shame he didn't join the team before. He had the potential to be part of us, you know?" He seemed to really look up to Rin.

"Nah! I would've kicked his ass with that attitude of his. He's nothing like us." In contrast, this guy held Rin with unyielding contempt.

"What do you mean?"

"Ever since he arrived, he has never really accepted any of us. He always does whatever he wants. He doesn't even listen to Yoshioka! Some of the other dudes have even started following him around! Seriously, who does he think he is?"

"Ha ha...must be residue of being in a girly sport like swimming."

"Yeah, probably!" The other boy laughed. And the two continued down the hallway joking about other matters.

Haru understood Rin even less now. Seriously, what was he thinking?! Why was he hanging out with people like them? Clearly some (maybe even many) didn't want him there. If they were like that boy from earlier, then they probably hated his independent personality. But what really made no sense at all was his behavior. He didn't joke with these people. If what that boy said was true, he refused to become a follower like them. He didn't belong in this ambient. And yet he remained there. But why? These people didn't care about him, they simply cared about being entertained and doing what they were told.

They were the perfect example of sheep following their leader. And a shitty leader at that.

As if his thoughts had spoken out to him, Yoshioka stepped out alone. He noticed Haru standing near the door and flashed a hostile glare at him, but Haru didn't relent. He returned the favor with his own grimace, hoping that his feelings of disgust toward him had gotten across. He could understand why Rin didn't follow the likes of him. He wouldn't either.

His feelings had probably gotten across. He would never know. But Yoshioka never stopped glaring at him, until he finally turned his back on hi., swung one strap of his backpack onto his shoulder and walked along, his backpack hanging cooly on one shoulder. Typical football player style. "Tch," Haru murmured, leaning against the wall. The door opened again, Haru was expecting more of them to come out.  _Seriously, how many are there?!_ He thought, feeling irritated.

But he nearly jumped from his current position when he saw who it was. Slender fingers clenched the doorknob. Glossy, wet hair as red as a precious jewel stood out. A young man stepped out completely and he  _looked_  at him. Haru held back any reaction. Seeing him up close for the first time made him wonder.

Rin looked a little taller than he remembered, his height only barely surpassing him. His body was also a little more muscular than the last time they saw each other (up close, of course). He could not see the leg muscles under his sweats, but his lean forearms and the bump of pure muscle of his biceps stood out just like the triceps underneath. There was residue of water that dripped onto his clavicle. Following the trail, Haru looked up at his face and noticed something. His hair was loose, and it was long enough to make a pigtail out of it. It looked...good. But more than his hair, Haru found himself staring into his volcanic eyes for the first time in a long time. His eyes remained big and fiery, but they were sharper, as if he had the world figured out. They seemed cooled off like a sleeping volcano.

That made Haru feel uncomfortable.

Since not only his eyes seemed to give off that image. The way his body was poised also contributed to his discomfort. The aura surrounding him seemed...different. Maybe it was because he hadn't talked to him for so long, but Haru was quite familiar with that distinct aura of his. It was a powerful aura, one he had never feared. In fact, that aura had impressed him from the beginning, even if he didn't like him then. Now, he wasn't so sure. He wasn't sure what kind of aura this was. It was oddly threatening. But it wasn't like that which the football players gave off. It was unique. It threatened others to back off. It was the spirit of a boy who stood and walked alone. It screamed independence and confidence. Perhaps something darker than that. Whatever it was, Haru couldn't understand it. He absolutely had no idea who this young man before him was. As if the person he had been before had been completely erased. And this was only from  _looking_ at him. He didn't want to venture talking to him.

What stood out more than any other part of his body was his facial expression. It was peculiar. His gaze looked like a bit of a glower and his lips did not curve mischievously. Haru remembered seeing his face with this expression once. Thinking deeper about it, he recalled a particular day, last semester, where they had been doing cleanup duty after practice. He had admired the look in Rin's face as he did his duties. It was focused, sharp and more mature than any other expression he made. It had never crossed his mind that he would wear this kind of expression now, however. Realizing this made him miss his impish grin.

But that didn't matter at the moment. He was here for a reason and he planned to set things straight for once and for all. But when he opened his mouth to speak...

"Tsk, idiot!" Rin broke the silence between them. Hearing his voice was a whole different world. His voice completely silenced him. Rin frowned at the dumbfounded Haru. "What the hell are you doing just standing there?! You'll catch a cold!"

Haru hadn't realized it but he was shivering. He must've looked like a mess. He looked up at Rin, who reached out for his arm and caught hold of his wrist. Immediately, an intense shock ran through him. His eyes reflexively widened and he looked up, surprised by what he found. Rin's eyes were wide just like his. He...had felt it too. Whether it had been the clashing temperatures of his cold wrist and his hot fingers or something else didn't matter. Both had felt it.

Looking up at his face, Rin unsurprisingly broke the gaze between them and turned his face away, followed by a low "tsk." Haru didn't even get a chance to reply, but Rin had already pulled him by the arm and dragged him inside the locker room.

* * *

In the end, Makoto and Nagisa had found an empty classroom to hang out in. The rain was not letting up at all. If anything, it only beat harder against the glass, like and enraged animal. Makoto saw every drop hit wildly against the glass, threatening to break through it had the glass not been strong. Then again, it was just another perk of spring, Makoto thought to himself momentarily. He looked at the quiet Nagisa, who was staring just as intently as he was. He was so focused. He was lost deep in thought. Makoto wondered what he was thinking, but the he knew.

He had just ended his relationship with a person he loved so much. He hadn't delved deeply into that aspect of his life, but Makoto suddenly felt curious. He wanted to help his friend. But when he opened his mouth to speak….

"You know, Mako-chan," Nagisa suddenly spoke up, "I lied."

That was unexpected. "Eh?"

Nagisa smiled at him briefly, then the curve of his lips relaxed onto a fine line. "I lied. About going to go to Iwatobi with you guys."

Makoto didn't say anything. But he was truly shocked. He hadn't been expecting him to say something like that.

"At first, I truly did want to go with you guys to Iwatobi. But when I realized that I was in love with…" He paused, "...him. I thought that I wouldn't be able to stand being without him. So I made my resolve. I figured that once you guys left, I would be left alone for a while and soon you guys would forget about me."

"Nagisa-chan…," Makoto uttered in disbelief.

But the blond boy continued without stopping. "I figured it would be the perfect opportunity for me to go to his school. I told myself that the time that would pass was a reason to not go to Iwatobi. Since I knew you guys would forget about me. But when he broke it off, to tell you the truth, I felt completely lost." He paused. "I realized at that moment that moment of everything I been about to do. I was going to leave you guys. And seeing that he probably doesn't want me to follow him to his school, I realized that I could go to Iwatobi with you guys. But in the end, that just felt  _wrong_. I had chosen you guys first, then I chose someone else over you. Now suddenly I can just choose to go back to you guys just because the guy I like is gone? I felt...like a traitor. I couldn't even bear to face you guys. But then, I realized that you were there, Mako-chan."

He looked intently into his eyes. Makoto didn't dare interrupt him.

"To be honest," He continued, "I thought you were either going to hate me for keeping this a secret from you all or that you would let me off the hook without saying anything. But you did something I never expected out of you. You accepted me but you demanded answers from me. Even though I was very nervous to answer at first, the truth was that I was...happy. I was happy because I realized that you really do care. And in that moment, I realized that I couldn't abandon you guys. Not for love or for my own pride. I know I'm being selfish, but if you'll let me."

Nagisa suddenly arose from his seat and bowed at Makoto. Makoto's eyes widened in shock.

"Please let me stay with you guys! Let me join you in high school! And...please accept my apology!"

"What do you mean?" Makoto asked.

"I misjudged you, Mako-chan. I underestimated you! But now I see that you really are a good friend! I know all of this sounds stupid and girly to you, but this is how I feel."

If he kept this up any longer, Makoto knew that he would cry. So he smiled and said, "Nagisa-chan, stop bowing." The blond boy looked up and, as Makoto had conjectured, there were tears pooling around his eyes, threatening to fall. Makoto smiled reassuringly. He then said, "You don't need to apologize. I should be the one apologizing, for not noticing earlier. For leaving you out when it came to Haru and Rin, even though you knew about it. I didn't realize what was going on with you. And for that, I'm sorry."

 _Isn't that right, Haru?_  Makoto thought, looking at the blurred-out gray sky. Haru's face appeared, almost vividly. He looked away and sighed, his gaze glued to a blank point on the desk.

Nagisa sat back down and looked at the green-eyed boy. He then asked concerned, "What's wrong, Mako-chan?"

"I'm losing my mind," Makoto said, looking up at the other boy, "It's about...Haru."

Nagisa only stared, waiting for him to continue.

"I constantly find myself wanting to ask Haru 'what's wrong'. But it's so evident that there's no point on asking. And even if I ask, I don't think Haru will talk about it openly with me."

That's right. They were only best friends in name, Simply because they knew each other since childhood. But that didn't mean anything to Haru, did it?

Going over it in his mind was just exhausting. "I just don't know what to do, anymore. Here I am, saying cool things like 'we're friends' and cheesy words like 'trust.' But the reality is that Haru doesn't want to open up to me. He did once..." The memory of a few months ago came back to him, "...but since then, he has never said anything like that to me. We're back to the way we were before."

He explained to Nagisa what he knew about Haru and Rin. He had promised not to say anything, but he couldn't hold it in anymore. The words constantly clawed at his throat and the promises haunted his dreams every night. His sanity was at stake here. He couldn't stop himself at this point. He needed to relieve these confusing emotions.  _I'm sorry, Haru_. He couldn't keep his promise after all.

When he had finished, Nagisa pondered what he said for a while. Makoto thought he wasn't going to say anything. But then the other boy opened his mouth to speak, "To tell you the truth, I think the root of Haru-chan's problems stem from the relationship he has with Rin-Rin."

At that, Makoto listened.

"If you ask me," Nagisa said reluctantly, "Their relationship is a little...odd."

"Odd?" Makoto asked, unsure of what he meant.

Nagisa was trying to search for the right words. Finally, he began to explain, "Well, what they have (or had) is very similar to what he and I had. They made their relationship secret. But when I was with the guy I liked, we both knew we liked each other, that we were together, even if we didn't show the world. But Haru-chan and Rin-chan...they seem like a strange case."

"What do you mean 'strange'?"

"I mean, I don't really know if they're dating or what exactly they're doing, but from any person's view, it looks that their relationship is not fully established. I think Haru-chan might be suffering because of this." He paused and looked at the rain, "From what you said, I don't think either knew what they were doing from the beginning. They just followed their own instincts, and never figured it out together."

Makoto said, "Yeah that makes sense."

"But Haru-chan isn't the only one suffering."

Makoto looked up at him.

Nagisa says, "Rin-chan...he hasn't been acting much like himself either. I don't know about you, but every time I see him, he seems to be distracted."

Makoto thought about it. When he truly put his mind into it, when had he really sat down to talk to Rin about...anything? Even though he had noticed his change in behavior, he had not asked him much about it, had he?

"I don't want to imply that it's his fault," Nagisa continued, "But when you think about it. Those negative emotions and changes could be affecting Haru-chan. Perhaps it goes both ways."

"B-both ways?" Makoto looked beside him when the rain suddenly raged against the window.

"Yeah," the blond boy said, the melancholy clear in his voice, "Perhaps...they're both suffering."

Without saying anything afterward, the two boys stared outside the window, contemplating their words and the silence around them. The rain beat harder against the windows, blocking out any other subtle noises.  _It really is stubborn today, isn't it?_ Makoto thought, wondering when the crazy rain would let up.

* * *

The metal knob creaked when Haru turned it off, the warm water disappearing from the dispenser. Large clouds of vapor surrounded Haru and for once he let out a small sigh, embracing the relief he felt after taking this warm shower. The coldness of the rain had soaked every inch of his body. But feeling the heat of the warm water was enough to relieve just one more of those pains he felt within himself. The creaking ceased, and finally the water shut off completely, leaving only the remnant of vapor and a cool breeze that teased at the boy's naked skin, who hurried for the towel because he didn't want to be cold anymore.

Haru stepped out of the shower, a slim towel wrapped around his waist. To his surprise, Rin was just outside the showers, looking at him with an intense glare. The mere fact that he was there in front of him, _looking_ at him was enough to make him feel overwhelmed. He couldn't look him in the ye. Everything he had imagined had gone wrong and now he did not know what to do.

Why didn't he yell at him the moment he saw him?!

Whatever had happened to his "resolve" and "Setting things straight"?

Was he a coward for not completing even one of his goals?

No. That couldn't be right. Rin had reacted completely different than he had expected. He figured that if he was anything like those football players, he would've probably said something cocky to him the moment he saw him. And Haru would've beaten the crap out of ahim and a brawl would've ensued and their feelings would've gotten across, that being the end of it all. And if that didn't happen, Haru figured Rin would probably ignore him. But he would've stopped him as he should've months ago and given him a piece of his mind, not letting him talk until he said everything he had to say. Haru imagined all the possible scenarios, but what they all had in common was that Rin would act like an asshole.

But he didn't. He called him an idiot and made him take a shower.

And for what? His well-being? So he wouldn't feel guilty after making him wait for so long? Or perhaps it was all an act so he would leave without saying anything to him about it. Thinking about it just made Haru feel more and more confused.

"Oi, why are you just standing there?" Rin broke the silence between them. He was holding something in his hand. It was a pair of dark sweats and a white t-shirt. a pair of white socks rested atop the two articles of clothing.

Haru looked up for once.  _Oi._  He always said that didn't he? Some things just didn't change. Another small pain seemed to alleviate within him. But it wasn't much. Ultimately, he was so shocked hearing Rin talk to him after a while that he has forgotten to reprimand him. He had forgotten the reason he came in the first place.

He had forgotten reason altogether.

All he could do was scowl and look away in embarrassment. "I... " Haru's voice came out one pitch higher than he had intended. He stopped and cleared his throat. "Thanks."

He wasn't supposed to be saying that. He was supposed to be kicking and punching and beating the shit out of the guy in front of him. But he wasn't. instead he was saying 'thanks.' This day became more and more of a fine example of fuckery!

He had no choice but to wear the sweats without any underwear for the time being, since his had soaked completely and wearing them again would defeat the purpose of showering to begin with. He changed into the dry sweats and t-shirt, Rin simply sat there, watching him, not saying anything and certainly not seeming the least bit interested in starting a conversation. Haru had to reconcile once more that this no longer was the Rin he knew. But that didn't change the fact that it was still Rin.

When he had completely changed, he squeezed the rainwater from his uniform and sprawled it on nearby benches, albeit he knew it was pointless since the lockers were often moist and cold to begin with. Nothing would dry in this atmosphere.

He caught hold of his backpack and sighed annoyed when he saw that the contents were completely drenched too. Seriously, what had he been thinking?! Rin only kept watching him, looking neither confused nor amused. His face was completely neutral.

Feeling exhausted for the first time in while, he began to slide against the locker behind him and he sunk to the floor, setting his wet backpack beside him. Maybe it was just the warmth of the vapor but he felt genuinely tired. He vaguely noticed Rin who had moved from his spot and sat on the bench positioned between the lockers, facing Haru who was just beneath him.

They did nothing but stare at each other for a couple of minutes. But staring at each other was starting to annoy Haru. He couldn't stand the overwhelming distance between them even though they were literally a foot away from each other. It was enough. If he was just going to be a coward, he might as well get up and leave for good.

Finding yet another resolve to leave, he began to stand. But then. "I would just stay where you are," Rin announced without warning, catching Haru off guard, "The rain won't let up anytime soon and I don't have an umbrella. So we're gonna be in here for a while."

"Tch," Haru said in response, looking up at the windows positioned at the top of the wall to verify it was true. Seeing the rain hit hard against the surface of the glass made him realize that going out would just drench his dry clothes again. Going out was not a smart move. So he resigned and sank back down on his spot.

The two waited silently.  _Clank. Clank. Clank._ Haru could hear the sound of rain beating against metal outside. Neither he or Rin said anything. they simply looked around, avoiding their faces as much as they could. But once in a while, Haru would catch Rin looking at him. But then again, the other boy caught him as well.

When the silence had become unbearable, Rin finally spoke up, "The weather's pretty weird nowadays, isn't it?"

Seriously? The weather? After all this time, the only thing he could come up to talk about was the weather? Was this guy for real? If this day was a national holiday, Haru would've called it National Fuckery Day. That was the perfect fit. For some reason, Haru felt a laugh rise at his throat and quickly out of his lips. Soon he was laughing. "Ha...haha...hahaha," he laughed, not quite understanding himself why. He laughed and laughed, his laughter echoing against the walls of this room.

Rin only watched him laugh like a maniac, neither questioning it, nor caring much either.

But Haru didn't really care either. He just kept laughing until his mind broke down why he was laughing. And as soon as his brain broke it down, a wave of loneliness surged in him and he gradually stopped laughing, feeling nothing but loneliness in return. "Haha...ha…" His laugh came to a stop. Then, after pursing his lips, he told Rin, "This is stupid."

Standing from his spot, he grabbed his backpack and headed for the restroom, not wanting to see Rin's face at all. Once inside, he decided to clear his mind. He would go out, grab his clothes and walk away. And that would be the end of all this stupidity. He would go home, drenched in water again and take another shower. He would go back to his old life and just forget he had seen Rin. He couldn't do it after all. He didn't know what to say to him. What had he been hoping for all this time?!

"Tsk, damn it!" He murmured as he washed his tired eyes with water from a sink. When he dried his face, he heard a voice say behind him.

"What are you doing?" It was Rin. And he sounded a little irritated.

Haru turned around and glowered at him, ready for any cocky remark he had to say.

When Haru said nothing, Rin continued, face filled with contempt, "So you've been sitting there after all this time like a pussy willow and now that you've got me in your hands, you're not even gonna say anything?! Isn't that why you came for?"

Haru wouldn't take that. He should've been the one yelling. "Move, Rin," saying his name felt strange.

"Tsk," Rin replied irritated, "Really? You give me crap for talking about the weather and all you can tell me is 'move, Rin.' You're quite something, you know that?"

"Shut up! I'm going home, get out of the way!"

Rin blocked the door. He looked ready to tackle anything. "No," He said, "Not until you say what you came to say to me."

"Tch," Haru said. When it came down to this, he had no idea what he wanted to say. In fact, what  _had_  he wanted to say? That he hated him? That he loved him? Perhaps it was something about not being around for months on end and leaving him in the dark? In the end, none of his thoughts mounted to something concrete. "Damn it!" Haru said with a raspy voice, a sob rising up to his throat. Why was he acting like this? Why couldn't he control his emotions? He was so good at that! So...why? "Why?...why?!"

He tried to say something, but the persistent sob stuck at his throat wouldn't let him speak. He clenched his teeth, unsure how to continue. He focused at a point of the floor and suddenly felt his wrist being grabbed. He looked up at Rin, expecting him to be wearing the same uninterested expression. But something different was there. It was a tender expression. A look of genuine guilt and concern.

Haru couldn't believe he was seeing Rin make this face and for a split second thought that his eyes were tricking him. Still, even though this was not the face of the Rin he remembered, it was closer to the one he knew. And all he wanted was those lips pressed tightly against his.

Following his instinct, Haru caught hold of Rin's t-shirt and pulled him into an abrupt and fierce kiss. "Mn…" Haru murmured in his kiss. He didn't care if he pushed him away. All he wanted was the taste of his fleshy lips at least once more before he lost his sanity. But Rin didn't reject him.

Dropping their bags on the floor, the other boy let his wrist go and instead wrapped his arms around Haru's leaner body. He gently pinned Haru against the wall, and then began to kiss him ardently as they hadn't done so in a while.

Haru had completely forgotten that he was supposed to be angry with him. They were kissing so hard that they felt a stream of saliva seep out of their mouths. Their kiss was so wild and uncontrolled. Their lips brushed wildly against one another, the flesh of the mouths warm like their ragged breaths. Their teeth knocked against one another. Rin vigorously latched his tongue inside Haru's mouth, feeling the membrane of his tongue. Haru did the same. He couldn't help but notice...Rin has gotten so much better at it. With every kiss, he found himself melting in his mercy. It wasn't fair.

In between kisses, Haru heard Rin whisper, "Ha...ru...Haru..." It sounded like a plea. It almost sounded sad and lonely.

Wanting to placate him, Haru raised his arms and wrapped them around his neck, urging him close, begging for the physical contact between them. He wanted to close that small space between them so desperately. More than that, he didn't want to lose sight of Rin, not when they were at each other's mercy like this.

Their make out session was so passionate that they almost forgot to breathe.

"R-Rin...can't...bre..athe..." Haru said between kisses.

Finally, Rin stopped, a thin thread of saliva following his lips. It soon broke along with the distance that began to form between them once more. Haru noticed his face after the passionate kiss. He seemed to be in a bliss, his face looking almost dreamy and relieved, as if he has been holding himself back for a while. Seeing that peaceful face made Haru's heart race, happy to be with Rin despite everything else.

But that joy was soon gone, when Rin's sweet face shifted to a teasing grin. But not just any grin. This one wasn't playful and Rin-like. This one held an air of superiority. It made Haru uncomfortable. Haru's fleeting heart was immediately turned off by the emanating aura. Loosening his arms, Rin chuckled, placing his own arm over Haru's head and leaning closely with an air of dominance, as if he were trapping an innocent fangirl who had inevitably fallen for his trap. "So, this was what you wanted after all?" Rin asked, that same arrogant aura emanating from him.

Haru didn't know how to respond.

"You don't need to tell me," Rin laughed, separating from him more and more, "from your voice, I can tell you've wanted this for a while. No, the moment you followed me here, you probably couldn't hold yourself back any longer, huh?"

He was acting as if Haru were being clingy. Like a submissive girl. It didn't add up. Why was he suddenly acting like this?! Haru was rapidly sinking back to that feeling. That feeling of confusion because he wasn't understand Rin. Once again, they were drifting apart.

But then again, was he really off from what he was saying? He had stuck around watching his games, hoping for something, and when Rin ignored him, he felt parts of him break. Now he had reached his limit and had followed him here wanting to yell at him. But now that he was here, now that he had kissed him like how they used to...was this what he had been hoping for all along?

Haru found himself thinking longer than he should've.

Rin stepped away from Haru and put his hands in pockets. Haru looked up and reflexively followed. It didn't go unnoticed by Rin. "Why so hasty? It's not like I'm going anywhere," Rin remarked teasingly, again with that dominant demeanor.

To be honest, Haru felt that he truly would disappear. And he would, as graduation was in two weeks. So he asked, "What high school are you going to?"

Rin laughed at him, "So you waited for me this whole time to ask me that? How unlike you."

Haru was getting irritated with that attitude of his. But he said nothing, waiting for his response.

Rin washed and dried his face. He sighed and replied, "I'm not going to Iwatobi." He gave him a serious look.

Haru felt a pang on his chest. But more than that, he felt angry. Why was he answering like that? Was Rin trying to answer him in a way he thought Haru wanted him to answer? Did he think he had expectations of him?! All in all, that arrogance...pissed him off. As if he thought he knew what Haru was thinking. Implying that Haru wanted him to say that he would go to Iwatobi with him.

But wasn't that why he was asking? Did he secretly want him to say that he would go to iwatobi with him? His confused and angry thoughts jumbled around his head, and that made him more angry.

He said bitterly, "I didn't ask that."

At that, Rin scowled and said, "Well, then what do you want to hear? It's not like it matters. We're not going to the same high school."

"I just wanted to know."

"Tsk, why? Knowing or not knowing won't make a difference!"

What did he mean it didn't matter? Did he intend to break off all ties after graduation? Was that it?

Haru lost it. "Well, I'm sorry for wanting to know about you after you've been practically gone for months on end!" He blurted out.

Rin was quiet, but then he smiled, "You...must really like me, huh?"

Haru's eyes widened and his heart beat both painfully and rapidly. The way he put it. So crudely and raw, like the words themselves were laid out but had no meaning when they should've. Even so, Haru was too shocked to respond. Of course he loved him! So...didn't Rin love him back? Hadn't it been apparent when they kissed? So why did he say it like that?!

"...I..." Haru stopped.

Rin sighed and said, in a serious tone, "I can't lie to you. I...thought I liked you too."

That was enough to make Haru's heart throb painfully. He _thought_?

"But I realized it wasn't very serious. What you and I did...well, it's not really normal to begin with. I started to hang out with the football team and hoped you would catch the hint. At first I thought you did, then you started to stick around."

Haru's eyes were wide to the point they couldn't be widened.

There was a look of angst plastered on Rin's face. He scratched the back of his head and looked at Haru straight in the eye. "Haru, it's about time that we departed, don't you think?"

 _No!_  Haru cried in his head,  _it doesn't matter what I was going to do earlier! I'm not ready!_

Rin looked at a stall beside him. The biggest stall. He smiled nostalgically and said, "We did some crazy shit, didn't we?"

Haru felt his heart break more and more with every word. Every gesture. Every look. All of these, at this moment, belonged to the Rin he remembered. The Rin he had desperately looked for in all this time. He no longer knew who was the real Rin was. He didn't know how much was left of the one he knew, or what had even happened to that Rin, but seeing the remnants of him made him felt only a bit peaceful. However, it wasn't enough to abolish this hurt feeling in his body.

He felt like he was saying goodbye forever.

Even so, Rin put on a genuine smile. A sad smile. Haru leaned against the wall as if all his energy had left him. Rin didn't say anything afterward, he didn't need to. Haru understood completely what he meant. But more than that, he was aware that once Rin stepped out of this bathroom, everything would be over. He would probably not see him until graduation. And after that, he would probably not see him again. And that realization made him more unwilling to stop this conversation. But ultimately, the conversation was over. With that sad smile gradually curving into a neutral line, Rin grabbed his bag and stepped out of the bathroom.

It felt like an illusion.

Haru felt as if he had woken up and his senses were back. He didn't even get the chance to imprint this moment in his brain. Rin's melancholic face. His volcanic red eyes. His ruffled red hair. His dark uniform jacket. The good luck charm he had gotten from the shrine. The sound of his footsteps. The shape of his body. His sublime lips. Nothing. He had passed like a mere illusion and Haru was left alone inside the cramped restroom.

* * *

The rain had finally let up and Makoto could walk home. But the rain was threatening to pour at any second, so he hurried home. Nagisa had gone a different route, so they didn't walk home together. In the end, they didn't know what to do about Haru and Rin. They figured that in the end, it would all be up to them, even if it was painful for both of them to watch from the sidelines. Hearing that made Makoto feel disappointed, since he truly wanted to help.

Droplets had already begun to land on his face. He decided to walk faster before it got any worse, watching the ground slowly paint darker with more falling droplets.

Not wanting to think about haru anymore, he tried to shake it off for once and focus of getting home for once. But those efforts were pointless when he saw none other than Haru walking ahead of him almost sluggishly.

"Haru-chan!" Makoto instinctively called out. Haru stopped in his tracks and slowly looked behind him. Makoto stared in disbelief. His eyes were red and puffy. Had he been crying? He ran after him in concern. "Haru! What's wrong? Are you hurt? Why are you crying?!"

Haru scowled at him, "...I'm not crying!"

Makoto objected, "But you are!"

At that Haru faced him with the most sorrowful look he had ever shown him. He said something Makoto never thought Haru would say to him in his life, "Wouldn't you cry too, if your feelings betrayed you?"

His blue eyes sparkles as the tears behind them threatened to build up and spill. Makoto couldn't understand why but the sight was so new to him that he couldn't help but feel that Haru's pale face was sparkling. And it made his heart race so much faster than before. Makoto held his breath, secretly contemplating this face which left him exasperated. He knew Haru was feeling sorrow. He knew he should be doing the utmost to make him feel better. But this face which he had never seen left his speechless, as if seeing a true angel for the first time. An angel made of glass, which could break so easily if one dared touch it. It was then that makoto realized for the first time in his life that Haru was far more vulnerable than he first believed. If he had reached his most vulnerable state, this was it. That face which showed sorrow in its purest form. It may have lacked the masculine feel to it, the sense of holding back as to not cry in front of others, but it was in no way effeminate. It was simply Haru. Haru pouring his feelings out in that face. No words were needed for Makoto to understand the deep sorrow Haru felt. The sorrow, the confusion, the disappointment. It was all there. And Makoto wanted to do nothing else but cup that face with his hands, look deeply in those eyes and reassure Haru that everything was going to be alright. But he held himself back, knowing that in reality, Haru would probably reject such advances. _Advances_? He thought,  _is that really what that is?_

Much sooner than he would have liked, the sparkle in Haru's beautiful face had faded away as he turned his head away from him to look elsewhere. Regardless of that glow, Makoto could still feel that strange aura around Haru and he reasoned with himself. Advances or not, it didn't matter. Whatever he was feeling. Whether he himself was attracted to Haru or not didn't matter. All he knew was that he wanted to protect Haru and the sublime uniqueness he had just shown him. No matter what, all he knew was that that face had changed everything and he could no longer go back.

"Haru," Makoto said softly, "I..."

Haru didn't face him at first.

 _He must feel embarrassed_. Makoto sighed and said, "You don't need to say anything. I think I see what's going on. And I'm sorry that I couldn't help you as much as I would like." He paused, bit his lip and gathered his courage, "The truth is, I don't know what to do anymore. I have no idea how to even begin to make you feel better. I'm always worrying about you, but I don't want you to push me away, since I promised I wouldn't meddle. But I feel useless, Haru. Truly useless." Haru looked up. "And I don't want to feel that way anymore. So...let's get throught the rest of this year, and go to Iwatobi together with Nagisa-chan. And Haru..." He smiled, "...let's go home."

At that, Haru wordlessly looked at him with that sorrowful face, the glow returning. Except something changed. Haru's eyes widened and quivered, his lips arched upside down and a soft sob escaped between them. The tears building around the lower rim of his eyes finally spilled. Makoto could only think of one word seeing that sight: beautiful.

The fact that Haru was sad was not at all beautiful. But the brilliant droplets running down his cheeks in thin streams, the emotion seeping out of that usually-stoic face, everything was nothing but pure and Makoto found that truly beautiful. Now he knew, there truly was no going back. Feeling his heartbeat pound in his chest, he placed his hand on Haru's shoulder and urged him on. Both silently walked home under the stubborn rain.


End file.
